I Miss People.

I'm tired of working.
I'm tired of school.
I'm tired of cleaning.
I'm tired of boredom.
I'm tired of internet.
I'm tired of reading.
I'm tired of writing.
I'm tired of editing.
I'm tired of sitting.
I'm tired of painting.
I'm tired of procrastincating.
I'm tired of emailing.


I miss people.
I miss Kara.
I miss hanging out.
I miss Ashley.
I miss talking.
I miss Lizzy.
I miss faces.
I miss Micah.
I miss voices.
I miss Anna.
I miss jokes.
I miss Colby.
I miss stories.
I miss Allie.

I miss life.


I suppose I really have time. I just choose to spend it horribly.
I have a lot to say, but not enough time to say it.
I'll save it for another day.

God is Pretty Much Amazing

my england trip is paid for.

wait what?!

yes. yes it is.

Random

So yesterday was ten times better.
Except my art teacher got pissed at me.
But I don't really care.
My English teacher postponed our paper stuffs.
England is in 13 days.
That's pretty exciting.
I kind of have a lot of stress at the moment.
It's alright though because it eventually subsides.
Don't send out emails with random prayer requests of other people.
It's awkward.
Especially if you end with "Guess that's the scoop for now."
Seriously.

Just 15 More Days

I have a lot of English homework and it came out of no where. 3 days of research, a week later 4 paragraphs (a page or more per paragraph) are due friday and I still have crap-to-no sources. DUDE, WHAT THE HECK?!

When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you

I So Hate Consequences | Relient K

"Well I Guess if You Say so I'll Have to Pack my Things and Go"

"Hit the Road Jack" | Ray Charles

It's a good feeling to just get something off of your chest. Honestly. It does.

I finally told my parents that God is calling me to do a gap year in England with All-Saint's. It definitely went better than I ever could have imagined.

After worship last night I told Amy-Jo that I wanted to tell my parents because I couldn't really keep it in any more and I needed to tell them before I went to England in 17 days. She helped me put together a mini packet of a letter composed by her, a couple of emails from the vicar, and a basically meaningless printout of the LAUNCH program web page. Surprisingly enough it helped me tell them, and it was something tangeable. Something to show them it wasn't a spur of the moment thing.

I took the long way home from church last night. I was too scared to tell them. I didn't know how I was going to do it, I didn't know how to do it. As soon as I walked out of the church building, the tears flooded down my face. It was something I knew I had to do and it was something I knew would change my life forever. I was scared to tell my parents. I was scared of dissapointment. I was scared of them saying no. I was scared of them saying yes.

All I could do was pray. It helped...for about fifteen minutes. Then it was D-Day.

I walk into the house. I say the usual "hello" and walk in to the kitchen to find some food. I see it but I'm to nauseous to attempt to even put food on a plate. I walk back into the living room.

"Can I talk to you guys?"
A collective yes follows.
"Can I turn the tv off?"
A collective uh, yea, glance at each other follows. This must be serious.
"I have something to tell you."
More glances.
"You love me no matter what, right?"
"Uhhhhhh...yeeeeea..."
"Well I've been trying to figure out how to tell you something for a while."
"What is it?"
(At this point mom completely dominates the conversation)
"Well I feel that God is calling me to do a gap year and (tears start flowing) in England and I don't know how you guys feel about that." as I hand mom the mini packet.

My dad calms me down and gives me a hug and tells me that this is a good thing. God has called me to do something and he will support me and not stand in my way. The worst thing I could do is not to follow it.
My mom on the other hand just stares at me for a good ten minutes not saying a word. I can see tears in her eyes. She finally says something, but of course it's negative. I will lose the Hope Scholarship by doing this.

I'm honestly fine with that.

Finally she starts talking and it's becoming more positive and she starts joking. That is the Kimsey family stamp of "I'm getting used to this."

So now I am in the process of filling out the Launch Gap Year application, the parents will be in the process of checking out visas and other odds and ends that need to be worried about. They have probably 9 months to help plan and pray. I have probably 9 months to plan, pray, and save. It's not going to be cheap.

I'm in the process of getting ready spiritually for this mission trip in 16 days and the gap year in less than a year. I know God wouldn't call me to do something I couldn't do. I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous. That's 10 months away from my parents in another country with weird food. It's not something that if anything goes wrong, "Oh well. I leave in a few days anyway." It's roughly 10 months for me to stick it out.

There's going to be a lot of trust put into God in the next couple of years. I'm going to have to embrace a buttload of humility as well. There's no way I could do any of this if I was even a little bit prideful. Something that I constantly deal with. I'm pretty sure pride is the stem of all my other flaws.

Yea so I'm sure that this house is going to hear millions of prayers from each person in the family. Good.

You can pray too. And by "You can pray too." I mean, pray for me.

AUTUMN

It's the first day of fall. My favorite season of the year.

Purging of My Life

So I went to the MTSU football game on thursday. It was a frickin' shut-out. Yea. Sarah enjoys going to school there I guess. It was fun to hang out with her and Curtis.

During the fourth quater, we went to find Colby, and I found him and got to talk to him about college and lack-there-of.

I just talked to Amy-jo today about this whole gap year, and she's going to help me find out more about it. And we were trying to think of how to tell the parents, and so she's going to help me a bit with that as well.

So far, everyone has supported me, so is that a good sign for the parental reaction? Who knows?

This afternoon my mom had a spa party; and now my hands, feet, face, and lips are all soft. And Kim Couch's mom came and asked me if I knew what college I wanted to go to. I just smiled and said no. Luckily the madre wasn't paying too much attention. I can feel the college talks comming on though. Any second...

I gave my testimony in front of the middle school this morning. Made mini Stumps (jessica) go first. It was pretty fun. I enjoyed it.

Micah and I hung out tuesday I think it was. This week has been pretty long, but that was a good highlight. It had been a while since I had talked to him, so that was quite the entertainment.

WELL, I am going to be late for work. Yay me.

THE END.

Awake and Dreaming

This is how excited I am. I took this pictures while talking to my friend, Matty. In 33 days I will get to see his face and everyone elses' that I miss. Just 33 days until we are in the schools and at the church (whichever it may be).

A lot's been going on. Nothing bad persay. But a lots been going on.

Senior year is proving itself to be good. Not much homework. Easy classes. And it's not like I took those classes to make my year easy. They just turned out that way.

I'm pretty dang sure that God is calling me to do a gap year over in the land I love so. I just wish he would tell my parents this. I don't know how or when to tell them. I don't want to endure a huge fight or anything. I don't want to feel like my mom is dissapointed in me. I don't want to feel like my dad thinks I am throwing my life away. I just want to do what God tells me to.

I've found out that it wouldn't even be that expensive. Besides the plane tickets, it would only be 15 pounds (around 30 dollars) a week for food. There are plenty of jobs that I could take to earn that. They would house me with a family, so really I wouldn't pay rent.

The good things about it as well are that it gives me time to plan what God wants me to do with my life, I will be doing mission work as well, colleges will be able to see a higher g.p.a. than what I have when I send in transcripts to colleges (not that mine is bad at all), and I can save for college while I am over there.

I think that I will do the gap year come home and go to college. I think I want to be a minister and I will most likely minor in graphic design.

I have good friends and I love them.

Kroger is the place to work.

Only 33 more days.

FRUSTRATION!

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I'm frustrated.

Basket Cases and Fires

No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. That's just stupid.

So why would I light my lamp and then hide it under a basket? I'm not stupid.

Besides, I'm sure that if I left it under the basket long enough the basket would catch fire and the light would shine anyway. So why suppress the light that is lit and have itself painfully force it's way to be seen?

Spoke Too Soon

Oh, it's another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a [girl] to do
I guess [s]he better find one soon

[...]

Oh I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
Starting now

My Stupid Mouth | John Mayor




Oh snap what did I do?

I Think Walt Disney Discovered It

Pluto is no longer a planet and to that I say good riddence. If you can't hack it as a planet, don't pretend to be one.

Although, how am I ever supposed to feel whole again?

My Very Excellent Mother Just Sent Us Nine....

NINE WHAT?!

But hey, when you don't have enough gravity, you don't have enough gravity.

No Matter How Rotten You Feel

I am blessed with friends who make me laugh.

Are you?

Knackered Converse

Senioritis, just might kick my butt, but I am not that worried about it.

Physics is going to be one of those classes. One of those classes that everyone loves. Including me.

My study hall teacher thought I was freshman. She saw me driving yesterday, and was kind of freaked out. Well, I am not a freshman.

I'm going to paint a collage of the Arctic Monkeys for art. I need to figure out what to do after that.

English assigments suck. They appear way easier on the outside than they really are. I take it back. They are easy. They are just time consuming.

College scares me. Well no, the searching and applying part of college scares me. It makes me incredibly anxious. I don't know where I want to go, and I need to find scholarships.

Economics scares me. That's something in life that has always scared me though. It's frightning to think that one thing could potentially send us into an economic, spiraling depression. Maybe that's just me, but I worry about it a lot.

Usually I'm not afraid of anything.

Good Ole Jews

"Don’t you see? . . . The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in ‘Thou shalt,’ meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—'Thou mayest'—that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open.” -Steinbeck (East of Eden)

Oh the Hebrew language often applies new meaning to my life. There have been a few things in my life that I just don't want to apply. I want to keep it to myself and just do what I want to do and not have it affect my relationship with God.

The only problem with that it that it leaves my relationship stagnant because it draws me further from God. No one likes stagnicity (yea I just made up a word, what.) if water is stagnant, you do not drink it. When a relationship is stagnant, you do not go back to it. So therefore, that stagnicity turns into nonexistence.

I've been struggling to choose the right thing to do. I don't want to do the right thing. My head wants to do the right thing, but my heart doesn't. My head has left my heart behind, and that's a problem. I can't really do what my heart doesn't want to. It would just be like a shell of me going around doing things without feeling, and people wouldn't understand why I do them.

But as I sat here and debated myself more than I was talking to Traci about these things, I started looking up some stuff for a paper I have to write and found this quote. I had been trying to tell myself I can't help how my heart feels about this, when clearly that is not the case. For a few years, I have been told you can't help how your heart feels, but really, that isn't true.

I mean think about it. I'm not going to explain why it's not true beause that's something you have to think about. It's something that you will have to wrestle with just like I did.

World, You Vex Me

Why do your standards have to be different from mine?
What is the deal?!

There is something as thinking too much; I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride... unless I fall out and die.

I am SEÑIOR!

Just Like a Star Across My Sky

Life can get so complicated over one little thing.
But then there is that one person you can talk to.
They listen, and understand, and make you feel better.

I'm kind of weird, I'm not going to deny it.
I'm just learning to embrace that fact.
I seem to earn more friends that way.

This morning was Arley's second bridal shower, and I was late.
Just like last week, but it was cool.
Huzzah, Keebs.

Senior year, I love you.
You are easy, and relaxing.
You give me free time.

Centennial, we are getting better.
I once hated you.
But you have produced some good thigs this week.

This makes me laugh:

Kroger

Let me just say, I do not stand at the end of the register for my health. Do not look in other directions and ignore me, because actually, I am supposed to help you. You ignoring me hinders my job performance. Listen and respond when I ask you, "Are you ready to check out?"

For some reason, we are ignored. Ignored so much that people are drawn to the center of the front and look around for the open registers. I mean, the people standing in front of the register could not possibly be there to help you check out.

And I don't bag. Don't tell me what to do with your goods. Tell the bagger. That's why he's there, to bag things. I am there to sell them to you.

Of course, they would never ever put your frozen/cold things together in a bag. It's a good thing you ask us to do that. We find that intentionally placing frozen items in different bags makes getting home and seperation groceries more enjoyable. Besides, we don't know what we are doing. I mean, it's not like we were hired for anything like that anyway.

And yes, you have to be 18 to sell beer, and yes, we need your ID.

I'm sorry that the credit card machine isn't working. I mean, next time I won't ESP it to break.

I like working at Kroger. Everyone is nice...for the most part.

News with a Twist

29 years ago today
Elvis died
Of drugs
On a toilet.
Long live the king.

Jon Benet Ramsy's killer was caught
In Thailand
On unrelated sex charges
And confessed.
She would have been my age.

Steady As She Goes

It's kinda a long post, but the pictures make it seem really long...but it's not really.



Summer '06 has officially come to an end. Let's view some of my favorite summer pictures, shall we?





















































































So my new schedule:
1. Graphic Design - Chessor (Deb Chess)
2. Physics - Roberts
3. Econ Hon - Kirby / Study Hall - Martin
4. English IV AP - Roberson (K-Ro)
5. Art III/IV - Foley (Foles)
6. Study Hall - Singleton / Gov. Hon - Stice
7. Photography - Chessor (Deb Chess)

Nothing could be more perfect than walking to school with the Anchorman soundtrack playing in the background on the first day of school. Just makes you feel hard core.

My classes are easy.

Nothing could be more perfect than walking home from school with the Ben Folds album playing in the background on the first day of school. Just makes you feel joyous.

I have good friends.

I was excited all day today. This is my last year. I am a senior. Good gracious I am a senior.

You Don't Need a Brick to Work at Kroger

Church was really good this morning. The Spences (the other British family from the other church in England) spoke this morning and it was fantastic as well as Darrel. "If you think about Jewish kids..."

I am doing something for Darrel, and if I can say this, I feel special because who'd have thunk it? I never thought I'd be good enough to do anything cool like taking pictures for someone. And my payment? A oneofakind Darrel Girardier designed shirt. I am excited about that.

I discovered that I live right down the road from the newtobeWorley family. And I'm told I can hang whenever, but I'm sure 3:30 in the AM is not an ok time to hang.

The little Worleys and the Morrises (sp?) are pretty cool too. I enjoy their company. They are freaking hilarious.

I love working at Kroger. I love it. Love love love love it. More to come on that later though. It gets it's own post.

Yesterday I went to one of Arley's bridal showers, and I painted them a bowl. We all painted pottery.

I'm running again. It makes me feel good.

Bed. More later.

Random Necessity

"You're such a cool person. I was just sitting here so lethargically...numb...then I clicked on your page and it (background, photography, music) made me feel... I love your slick, original style. Don't ever lose it, girl." --Marybeth (a.k.a. Marydeath)

"i'm channeling Michael and he says 'you're fat.'"
"tell him to go bake a fat pie and eat it."
"he says 'you'd like that wouldn't you?'"

Taking stupid pictures in a photobooth at Chuck E. Cheese for a token a snapshot.

Having a birthday for Qwerty, a pipe cleaner sloth, at Chuck E. Cheese with other stuffed animals and random sorts.

Random things like that make my day...even though technically they happened on two different days...I still haven't gone to sleep yet.

In the words of my friend, "I'm going to go read ma book and go to sleep."

Terror

A giant terrorist plot has been foiled over there in the ole UK. Out-going flights from England to the US were supposed to have suicide bombers on board carrying liquid explosives. It's apparently linked to Al Qaida, and over 21 people were arrested early this morning in London. The US airport alert level has gone to red, which is the highest, and it's the first time it's ever been done. England airports are even under a warning, and to my understanding that is not something that happens very often. Though there have been arrests, the threat is not over. Airports are crowded with confused flyers. Right now I believe there are no flights going in or out of the UK. The only thing alowed on board planes at the moment are your passport (if need be) and your ID in a clear plastic bag.

I just pray that come October things will be cooled down and we will be able to go over to England to do what the Lord has called us to do.

Well the grams left this morning. Kayla gave me some dinosaurs. It was pretty cool.

I really...really....reeeally don't want to read my summer reading books. Is that horrible of me?

Stay fly.

Just Wasting Time

I've spent the last few hours watching Arctic Monkey interviews. Makes me like them so much more.

I miss people.

Things

My grams broke her arm. Maybe I should offer her twenty bucks and a weeks stay at my house like she did for me the summer before eighth grade.

I got a new lunch box today. You will be amazed.

I got a hair cut. Kinda looks the same. You will not be amazed.

I don't work until Friday.

I still have to read. I really don't want to. I'll read Sparknotes.

Remembering To Live

Everyone creates drama and is a part of it sometime. Even you. The catch is not to live in it. Get out as soon as you can. I'm tired of being stupid to try and be cool. I don't care whether or not people like me anymore. I mean, I'm me. There's nothing else I can offer. Just me.

As I drive to work or anywhere else, it feels like I am a part of the earth--or at least really living. It makes me stop and look around me. To remember there is more on this planet than my life.

I got something off my chest that I've needed to do all summer. I've grown so close to a friend that if anything was to happen to her I would fall down dead. Dead. I find that whatever I do we will always be friends. That is so hard for me to comprehend.

I'm glad that I have living examples all around me to show that I don't have to be stupid. That I can just be myself and no drama will be created. There are so many that as I sit here and think of them, I am astounded. That's a good thing.

Allie, Kara, and I hung out tonight and it was a necessary closer to summer. For those who fight the school year, it's ok. It's just school. Nine months later it will be summer again. I am a senior this year. Hoorah. This is my last year in high school. Good gracious. I cannot wait to get to college and learn things specifically just for what I want to do. Not any of this nonsense like weights/kinesiology or physics.

We went to my old stomping work grounds. Chuck E. Cheese. I can officially say that I do not miss it at all. The food is mm mm delicious though.

Kroger is so good. It's so easy. And people talk to me. And they are nice. And it pays more. I love working at Kroger.

Then we played ding dong ditch at Tyler's house because his car door was locked and we couldn't sneak in. And then we went to It's a Grind where we met a new friend Josh--all thanks to Bogart...and Lempkin. It's been a while since I just talked to a stranger about random things. Last time was in the begining of summer with hideously great towel robe things.

Schedule:

First Semester
Study Hall - Kemp(y)
Physics - Roberts
Econ Hon - The Kirby
Eng. IV AP - Roberson
Art III/IV - Foley
Pre-Cal - Long (going to be dropped)
Des./Dig. - Chessor (again!)

Second Semester
Weights/Kinesiology - Gregory
Physics - Roberts
Study Hall - Singleton (who?)
Eng. IV AP - Roberson
Art III/IV - Foley
Pre-Cal - Long (going to be dropped)
Des./Dig. - Chessor

I am making a different "Who Am I?" book for England. Something I am looking forward to immensely. Something I will like through and through.

I have so much I feel I need to accomplish within the next week. I mean, I really don't. But I do, I do.

The End.

Air Conditioner Broke Again

that makes a record 4 times in 1.5 weeks--let alone one summer.

Well I got the old schedule today. Good news for me, no math this year. I am dropping it. Goooood. I mean, I am great at math. I almost enjoy it. Just not calculus type math. Plus the teacher sucks to the eighth power.

Even better news: I have weights/kinesiology first period second semester. I'm going to be in the weight room...lifting weights...everyday...for a whole semester. I will be buff. Oh, and by "Even better," I meant "Idiotic."

Soooo...right now I need to find a class I can be shoved into so I don't have to take math.

I have so much to do. Adios.

Chicago Slide Show

well the air broke for the 3rd time this summer. poop. but it was fixed this morning. yay.
the grams and aunt and cousin are here. yay.
i think i am getting a hair cut today. yay.
i have 600 pages to read before school. poop.
i made a slide show. yay.

Procrstination '06

Summer reading procrastination finally ends this afternoon. Before work, I am going to Borders to get all 3 books and finish them in two weeks. It can't be done you say? Just watch me.

Colby is leaving tomorrow for Mexico again. I'm kind of saddend by this, but happy as well. For one the reality of school starting bludgens me when I think of him leaving. O school...it's only two weeks away.

My g-ma and aunt and cousin are comming tomorrow and are invading my room which means it has to be really clean...which means I have to clean it.

School starts two weeks from today.

Skittles

taste the...ahem.

I didn't realize how much I missed taking pictures.
I do realize that I hate cleaning.
I didn't realize that my brother can be cool sometimes.
I do realize that I am a procrastinator.
I didn't realize that the weather sucked so bad.
I do realize that I start school two weeks from tomorrow.
I didn't realize it was so close.
I do realize that I haven't even bought my summer reading yet.

I've got some new favorite people in my life. They are great.

Hearts and Spades

Ugh.

I am proud of my parents. They quit using their credit cards. As I type this, I realize that my life will be getting a little harder. O well--they say it's got to get worse before it gets better.

Thank God for life opening experiences. Though I've been to the same places in Chicago for the past three years, it never ceases to teach me things. A week a year will never suffice to remind me I am well off compared to some.

My heart is being pulled in so many different directions at the moment. Not like boys...okay maybe a little bit...but really, things I want to do with my life, places I want to go. Life is so short. I want to go to Africa. I want to go to Russia. I want to go back to Japan, the Philippines, and Korea. I want to go to Canada. I want to go to Brazil. I want to Live in England. I want to be a graphic designer. I want to be a minister. I want to be a photographer. I want to take loads of classes. I want to learn. I want to teach. I want to experience everything that God has made. Most of all i want to learn.

I don't want to pick and choose. Hopefully I won't ever have to. I feel that with God all of this is possible. Before the England mission trip this past fall I felt that I would never leave the US much less North America. I'm not saying that I will get to do all of this, but anything is possible with God. Anything, and as much as that is a comfort, it's also extremely nerve wrecking. God can and will call me to where ever he needs me and that could be very dangerous--or not what I had in mind for myself.

Home

After a not so warm greeting from my mother, I walked in the door. Things cooled down and I saw that she was making tacos. I'd had enough tacos today between my actually eating them and Will farting them. Ugh, don't even get me started.

This week has been amazing. Last night, after the Mac store, we went to Virgin Records (AMAZING) , Borders, Hershey's store, and Starbucks. I had so much fun. I bought the Raconteurs album, KT Tunstall Eye to the Telescope, Ben Folds Rocking the Suburbs, and Arctic Monkeys Whatever People Say I am That's What I'm Not. I know I already have the whole plus Arctic Monkeys cd, but I ripped them. I gotta support my boys.

I asked Becker to marry me. The date is April 21, and I am very excited. We'll go back to that rickity bench in that rickity gazebo at that rest stop in Paduca, Kentucky.

We stopped in Effingham. Pure joy.

This was a good "trip." There was no drama. There were no fights. Everyone for the most part got along. I connected with almost everyone. My middle school days have been nearly conquered. Score.

Learned some hand games. Pictures to come soon...as soon as I get them back from Darrel.

It's a Mac

I'm currently residing in the Mac Store. You wish you were here. Word.

Karoke

Last night we sang. We sang bad. It was great. Confusing? Yes. Good.

Anyway, today's our last day of missions and I pray all goes well. Amen.

I'm in Chicago

and you're not.

Fun times ten.
Slaps.
Shopping.
El Train.
Hostel.
Coldness.
Heat.
Kids.
Pictures.
Laughter.
Sadness.
Friends.
New.
Old.
Fountains.
Shade.
Alarms.
Showers.
Prom.
Thrift.
Lizzy.
Devin.
Micah.
Kara.
Mitch.

My week so far in a few words. The end.

chicago tomorrow

hoorah.
tonight was good.
hung out with lizzy, dyson, will, and tyler.
tremendous amounts of fun.
i finished my satchel.
and almost all of my cranberry juice.
i have to go pack.
peace out.

late night snack

Satchel making sucks. Well, not really, it's just a little bit harder than expected really. I do think it looks cool, and if and when you see it you will too, or I will punch you in the face--honestly.

Chicago in 29 hours. That's something I am very excited about. Crazy things will be happening. I am very excited to have Kara and Micah in my group. Very, very excited. I'm looking forward to growing closer with everyone and having fun and making a difference.

I miss my friends. The one and only factor in the "summer sucks" theory. It's a pretty strong factor as well. I miss conversations face to face. I miss eventful outings. I miss a lot of things that only happen whil the school year is in session. Call me crazy, but I almost miss school. This year will be different. It's senior year, and I will not have as much stress as last year...except for college applications...crap. I have no idea where I want to go for my first year of college. UGH.

Why is the tornado siren going off? I don't know... there's no storm a brewin' outside.

I said in the last post that I've gotten a big boost in my confidence level and that I have no idea where it came from. Well I lied. I know exactly where it came from. I mean, the only place it could come from that I might actually believe. You know what I am talking about.

And I've been thinking about England a lot lately. I'm not going to lie, I am very excited to be going back. See all of my friends, make new ones, and work for the glory of God. He's going to use the team in extraordinary ways this year as well. I can't wait to begin working with the team.

By the way, the song in the background is actually my favorite song...and I love cranberry juice.

WELLLLLL it's 2:06 AM everybody. I'm tired. Off to bed I go.

Friendly Confidence

I am excited that I have such great friends.

The air conditioner is fixed. Yes. Ahhhhhh the breeze of cool air.

I've gotten a really big boost of confidence and I have no idea where it came from. It's kind of weird.

I am getting back to my more creative projects. I used to sew and knit and crotchet (crow-shay). I'm crotcheting a scarf and I'm going to sew a satchel together. It's kind of my niche if you will. I think I'm almost better at it than painting and photography. All my friends are better than me at something, but none of my friends sew or crotchet, so good. Something that I can do without having to feel the need to compete.

I got a call from Amy-Jo. I am returning to England with the church, and I am completely sure that I will live there one day.

Hot Hot Hot

Well my upstairs air conditioner broke yesterday afternoon. Hoorah. Every year it breaks, and I've been waiting for it to do so. The earlier it's done the faster we can get it fixed and not have to worry about it...unless it breaks again. But that would be cruel. So I'm sitting upstairs on this computer because my father was horrid and took the other laptop while I was sleeping. Why am I upstairs for the computer? Simply put, there is not much else to do in this house and is easier to sit here in the morning rather than at night when the heat from the afternoon makes it as hot as the worlds hottest hot sauce. Seriously. The repair man is here. O good gracious he keeps asking me for things. Go away, repair man, go.

I'm going to go do something else.

Because You're Curious

Well loves, time for another post.

The road trip was good. I like road trips.

This was kind of a crap-suck weekend visit. My uncle is stupid.

My mom is sitting here talking about daytime court tv. Why? I don't really know.

Just talked to Tyler on the phone. Sorry, Kara, that's where I went. Wildebeests are still out there.

*Spoiler Warning* I saw Pirates of the Caribbian: Dead Man's Chestwith Sarah. I rather liked the movie. The plot could've used a little work. It was kind of scattered. Some of the characters could've used a little more depth to them. And then, I like to compare POTC to Star Wars. The first was really really good. They make a second. The second ends with a cliff hanger. Han Solo was frozen in carbonite; Jack Sparrow was eaten by a giant beastie...with a sword. Of course Solo came back and of course Sparrow will too. I'm anxious to see what happens with Jones' heart...and who Sparrow's father is.

Living in a Different World

It's kinda like a movie. The adults are talking about the usual "you can save this much" and "so an so did something." You know--boring. My cousin is torturing the dog in the background. I'm on the laptop looking bored...because I am. My cousin on a tractor in the backyard. My uncle playing with the grill. I'm just waiting to see a giant fire ball erupt from the window and a man running around on fire. Then it would all be complete.

We went shopping today. I'm glad that I have a job now. I pretty much spent all of my last paycheck on it. I wish I could just wear them all at once and even risk looking like a giant, multi-colored, human marshmellow. It would totally be worth it.

I forgot to mention that on Wednesday after I got off of work from Chuck E. Cheese, I went to Ashely's "I'll pretty much never see you again" party. It was cool, I met some new people that I will probably never be in company with again. Too bad, they were cool. Lost Kara's phone and freaked out. Found it after searching for an hour. Then I spent the night at Kara's and we had a grand ole time. It was pretty great.

I'm doing it again. That thing where I push people away because I feel that they are going to do it eventually--might as well beat 'em to it. I think I'm being retarded, but I can't really help it. I'm going to be one of those lonely cat ladies that yell crazy things out the top left window of my house scaring all of the little children of the neighborhood, and they will all think that I've gone mad and should really be locked up, and they'll throw rocks at my windows for 5 points on the bottem bigger ones and 20 for the second level smaller windows, and I will fall asleep to Andy Griffith every night around 5:43 PM while my hot water for the tea I don't like boils over, and my cats will all desert me for the night to scrounge in nearby ally dumpsters leaving me more lonely than i started... $%&* those cats.

Not Real

...but I wish it was.

Wooster, AR

"Oh, that lady has a puppy! ... Oh that's a kid ... Nevermind."
-- My Mom

"Oh, you're smarter than I thought you were."
--My Mom (directed towards me)

Back in the ole Arkansas.
The trip was good.
My reads were good.
Music was good.
It's been a tough night.
I miss my g-pa.
My uncle is being stupid.
I am pretty much angry with him.
Still love him.
Just really angry.
All the Donuts I can eat.
Had crappy pizza for lunch.
It was downright disgusting.
Things aren't the same around here.
I do have Bogart.
I think he and this computer are the only things to save me this weekend.
Talked with my aunt and other sane uncle.
I love to do that.
My cousins are growing up fast.
Kinda scary.
I wish they were babies again.
But then again...I do not.

I love family.

Not Related at All

I'm kind of tired of people who assume they know everything, but are truely ignorant and know nothing at all. It's just kind of annoying, but hey--that's just me.

I put in my two weeks notice at Chuck E. Cheese yesterday. I am very sad. I almost cried. I hated it at first, but i grew to love it. And I wasn't fond of John at first, but he's so great. I'm going to miss them...if only it paid more. Koger's here I come.

Speaking of Chuck E. Cheese and quitting, one of my co-workers asked me out yesterday. It wasn't awkward at all until I said no. I tried not to make it awkward, but he just kinda stopped talking to me. Why is it that the girl is always the jerk for saying "no?" I mean, I'll give a guy a medal of honor for getting up enough courage to ask me out, but I do not want to "give the guy a chance." It's kinda like, ok so you know that girl likes you, give her a chance. That's very improbable. And it's always the girls' fault--I don't understand. Anyway, I suppose I will not miss him.

I'm leaving for my grandparents house tomorrow. I still say "grandparents." It's too weird to say grandma's. It'll be the first time since Easter, and for those of you who do not know, my grandfather passed away this Easter from kidney failure and a bunch of other stuff including cancer. It'll be weird, I'm not going to lie.

Chicago soon. Can't wait.

Anyway, I am tired. I'm going to sleep.

Whistle While You Work

One day I am going to wake up and find my life wasn't real and I'm going to be very dissapointed.

So I've been cleaning my room for the past 3 days. It's still not done. Why does it take me so long? Because it's me.

Once or even twice a year my room becomes an excavation project where drawers are emptied, shelves are cleared, closets are opened, underthebeds are shoveled, and the furniture is moved. I go through everything, and let me say, purging is a must. I've found papers from the end of last year. I've thrown away things I'd been holding on to for special reasons from the 6th grade. I've thrown away things I didn't even realize I'd been holding onto since the fourth grade. So far, 4.5 trash bags have left my room. I've gotten rid of things I don't use, need, or want. I've found old cd's in my room. It's insane.

It takes me so long because I am a procrastinator, and I come from a long line of them. I never work on anything constantly...I guess if I did, my room would be cleaned in a day. I don't think I will ever know. Oh the possibilities.

Fame Here We Come

and we call you You Wish You Were Us.

Life is good. God is good. Life can sometimes be frustrating-- but you didn't hear that from me. I want to bear me some good fruit. I know what you need....PRUNES! Prune away.

My Pleasure

The five hundreds is where it's at. If you have five hundred tickets, just get a 500 ticket prize. Honestly. The millions of little prizes like candy or rings will never amount to anything like a princess jewelry pack or silly putty sports pack will. Quality over Quantity, people.

And yes, that is all we have for that amount of tickets. Save your tickets or get over it. I didn't pick the prizes or their price, do not complain to me.

There are ticket counters...use them. Do not make me count your countless amount of tickets for fifteen minutes while other people are waiting in line. It is despicable, and it makes me want to jump over the counter and punch you in the face.

I cannot help you with machine malfunctions. Do not come up to me with your petty "this machine ate my token" or "this machine didn't give me my tickets" or even "this machine just spewed acid and ate through my face." That's why there is a guy in a black and white shirt out there on the game floor. If he is absent from the floor at anytime, I still cannot help you.

I LOVE it when I've just cleaned the glass, and everyone has watched me do so, and then put their grubby little fingers, arms, or even faces all over it. Oh, and by "LOVE" I mean "HATE." I don't know why, but after everytime I clean the glass, people feel the need to embrace the glass as if it's their long lost lover that was lost in the ocean for fifty years. It's annoying. Please, stay off the glass.

I'm always excited when I see that there are new prizes. Like today, there was a woopi cushon and spiders among other things. I walk into the back supply room, and I see vampire teeth and blue spiders. I was excited. I guess I like it so much because it's something new. I don't really know.

I work at Chuck E. Cheese. And I enjoy it.

"If You do This, Everything You Have Ever Told me Goes out the Window"

Good times.

Kara calls, we go pick up Traci. We go to It's a Grind to which so did everybody else. Cameron stopped in for a little bit; that was fun. Colby came in and drank, according to Kara, a chick drink and hung out with us. Jaime came in, but she works there, so I don't really know if that counts. Saucy Dan an Sal were there. We ended up being there for a good five-ish hours.

Then I came home at six and slept until 11 thinking that it was 2 or three in the morning. Then, my mom opened the door with the light blaizing into my room--I guess to make sure I was actually in my room or something I don't know, but it woke me up for good. Now I am not tired, but I am.

I realized how much I love to talk to some one. He knows so much, and it makes me want to know more. He's usually there when I need to talk to him or when I just want to laugh. The conversation can pretty much go either way. I'm not saying this because I have a secret crush or something-- because I don't. I just really enjoy talking to him.

A week-ish until we find out who's going on the mission trip. It's so close it's making me nauseated.

I'll Make the Most of it

I've spent the last couple of days listening to music, and I have to say I miss it, along with painting, photography, and drawing. I miss it so terribly.

Tomorrow will be devoted to doing such.

Today as I talked to Kara on the phone and read Ashley's comments, I realized how much I have missed them. The only crappy thing about summer is that everyone is gone--including me.

I will be gone the 15-17 to visit my g-ma and my aunt and my uncle and my cousins. It's going to be weird because it'll be the first time to be there since my g-pa died. I miss him a lot.

Chicago is in a couple of weeks. I am so, so very excited. I cannot wait.

I'm starting to like Chuck E. Cheese. I especially like kid check because it's so easy, and I am not supposed to leave kid check, so no one can ask me to do anything else. So I clean windows, stamp hands, look at hands, and doodle--which is what reminded me how much I miss the art-ish side of my life. I've applied at Kroger, and if I get the job, I suppose I will just work at both places.

My dad has gotten himself into poison ivy... and poison oak. He's a poisonous kind of guy.

Suburban Fourth of July

I like the city I live in, I really do. I do not, however, want to live here my whole life.

Sometimes I just feel like I can't express how I feel or say what I think without being looked down upon. Like I'm constantly being graded on my opinions, and they just aren't good enough or my reasoning should some how be twisted into something else more logical. I find myself just kind of agreeing just so that I don't have to feel less than ok. And this is partly my fault, I know.

I try to live up to standards that other people have set, and it feels like I am jumping through hoops of fire and everytime I end up burned.

I miss hanging out with friends and you rant or say something and they don't tell you that you are being ridiculous. They say what they think about the situation, and through conversation you can come to the conclusion that you are being ridiculous without having someone tell you that you are.

I'm so frustrated that everything I say to a certain person is shrugged off and ignored as if what I said was just a bunch of lies hurtled her way. As if I say it so that God will think that I am trying and so that I can sleep better at night. Sometimes I wish that I had never met her, so that I wouldn't feel this pain, but then I remember, God's got a reason for this relationship. It's not that I don't love her, because I do, I really do-- and that's why it hurts so much.