Good Ole Jews

"Don’t you see? . . . The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in ‘Thou shalt,’ meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—'Thou mayest'—that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open.” -Steinbeck (East of Eden)

Oh the Hebrew language often applies new meaning to my life. There have been a few things in my life that I just don't want to apply. I want to keep it to myself and just do what I want to do and not have it affect my relationship with God.

The only problem with that it that it leaves my relationship stagnant because it draws me further from God. No one likes stagnicity (yea I just made up a word, what.) if water is stagnant, you do not drink it. When a relationship is stagnant, you do not go back to it. So therefore, that stagnicity turns into nonexistence.

I've been struggling to choose the right thing to do. I don't want to do the right thing. My head wants to do the right thing, but my heart doesn't. My head has left my heart behind, and that's a problem. I can't really do what my heart doesn't want to. It would just be like a shell of me going around doing things without feeling, and people wouldn't understand why I do them.

But as I sat here and debated myself more than I was talking to Traci about these things, I started looking up some stuff for a paper I have to write and found this quote. I had been trying to tell myself I can't help how my heart feels about this, when clearly that is not the case. For a few years, I have been told you can't help how your heart feels, but really, that isn't true.

I mean think about it. I'm not going to explain why it's not true beause that's something you have to think about. It's something that you will have to wrestle with just like I did.