63 Days and Counting

I was actually looking forward to today, but all night I couldn't sleep. Not because of excitement, but because something was wrong with my body. At around 2 in the AM, I felt really sick, but I managed to suppress it, and I went back to sleep... kinda. I woke up loads more and couldn't sleep anymore after 6:30 as I was feeling miserable, so I just kinda browsed the internet. I felt the need to get up and change because I was cold, but I was really hot, so I needed to switch up the ratio of blanket:clothes. Then I felt it. My stomach dropped. I laid back down on my bed trying again to ignore this feeling of someone wringing my stomach; it was no good. So I ran to the bathroom and was sick. Andy comforted me via Skype and talked to me a bit and made me laugh, but now he's in school and I'm bored. This is one of those days I wish I have a library full of movies, but I don't.

Also, if I tell you I'm excited that I'm going home in 63 days, it's not because I hate you, but it's just because I'm excited. And no- I'm not wishing these days away. Counting down makes the days more precious because my days in this country are numbered.

There's this Unspoken Knowledge that Owning Four Quarters Makes you Feel BadAss.

I'm going home on the first (of July). I'm not telling people what time I'm getting in though. I just want to see my family really (including Andy and his family). I can't help but feel slightly sad for going home early... but I know that it's right. I've prayed about it, and I know that it was wrong of me to try and stay out here as long as I could. I knew that before I came over, but I just kind of ignored it.

Mother Bunford just walked in and gave me some American coinage that they couldn't exchange. I now have $2.05 with a lump of pennies. Heck. Yes.

The Burning of the Salt

I went to the beach in Saltburn with this lot. It was a good crack.

So I bought the soundtrack to Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Don't laugh. It actually goes through all of the emotions of being homesick and the feeling of returning home. I love this movie for that and I love this soundtrack even more.

I Can See the Stars From Way Down Here

The Bunfords are back. It's good. The fridge is full and there's no eerie-ness about the night.

It's been good hearing about their experiences. One would think it would make me incredibly homesick, but in all actualities, it made me less homesick. I got to live vicariously through them, and they brought me some good ole Jif creamy (reduced fat of course [because they are English]). I like sharing the house.

Sarah Bailey (because one can't just say "Sarah" when talking to/about her), Adrian, Michael, Euan, and I just sat around church and talked. It was good. Reminded me of home. I like them.

Today has not been my day for cooking.

All I have to say is at least when you burn a quesadilla, it still tastes nice.

The Revolution will not be Televised

I opened up Blogger thinking about how much I wanted to go home. How I just had a wave of loneliness. How I always feel unsettled. And it got me thinking, am I ever going to be happy with where God leads me to? I feel like I'm always going to have the mentality that the grass is always, always greener on the other side. I want to know how to fix that desperately, because the grass isn't greener anywhere, and it's starting to get to me. I just want to be content for once. And I hope that when I go home, I will be. I think it's this whole growing up thing. I'm not sure it has anything to do with the place I'm in. I think it's just me realizing that I'm growing up and that I don't want to. Then, life just becomes about your job and cleaning your own house and being bored all of the time. I don't want to grow up because I don't want my life to revolve around how I make money. I want it to revolve around my God and my friends and my family, seriously and honestly I do. I want my love to be for people, not money.

Found a Scrap Pieces of Paper

"I saw God cradle you in his arms. You were snuggled into him with your eyes closed. I felt God say that whenever you are weary you have a safe place to go to relax and fill up again with his spirit."

That was given to me the day after I got here. The church was asked if anyone had a word from God or a picture for me. Sometimes you can't just ignore things. If I had actually paid attention, I would have noted that obviously this year wasn't going to be easy. I would have prepared myself more. Sometimes hindsight sucks.

Lakes of the District

Thursday through Saturday I was privileged enough to go the Lake District. It's a district of lakes... surrounded by mountains... and sheep. Was fun to get to know Hannah and Lindsay better.

Before I put up a few pictures (of a couple hundred) to end this blog (because I am too lazy to do anything else with it), Andy has a blog. It's really funny.

I've got an internal battle going on inside of me.

Safari or Firefox?
No, IE is not an option.

Now I've always been a firm supporter of Firefox.  It's fast, it's not annoying, and it's got cool add-ons.  Then came along this stylish and simple web browser.  I know it's not knew, but apple felt that I needed it on my laptop, and I agreed.  I like the simplicity of Safari, but it's slower than Firefox.  I like the look of Safari, but it doesn't have some of my favorite add-ons.  I think I'm going to continue to use Safari mainly because I just like it better regardless of it's speed.

I will never ever enjoy Internet Explorer.  Ever.

[edit] writing blogs in Safari is annoying...  I don't want a double space when I hit enter.

Strangely, this week has been the one for a lot of spiritual growth. You always think growth just happens. It's easy... but that's not true. In the beginning, a seedling can get all of its nutrients from the dirt it's engulfed in, but there comes a time when it must push up through the ground in order to receive light, water, and air. The plant grows stronger than before because it has to push through the dirt, just as in our spiritual growth, sometimes it's painful to push through all of the dirt in our lives in order that we might breathe and eat. If we've actually fought through some of the things in our life, we think that we've reached the finish line, but remember back to Kindergarten when you experimented with growing plants after they sprouted. You put one plant in the cupboard, one you put in a plastic bag, and the last one didn't receive any water. Every single one of the plants eventually died. In the same way you have to look after and care for plants, you must look after and care for your spirit.

Anyway, that's not the reason I sat down to write this post, but that just came to me.

Exercise: Stop for a second and write down a few different words to define yourself. Seriously... just do it. Here are mine:

Out-going
Weird
Awesome
Cynical
Creative

Belief: (n) Mental act and habit of placing trust or confidence in something accepted as true based on experience.

Those words you wrote down? Beliefs.
Some of those words you wrote down? Un-Godly beliefs.
What?

I sat down to write here about the last teaching Hannah gave those of us in Launch this past Thursday about unGodly beliefs. I thought it was going to be a lesson on things people believe about the Bible that are untrue... turned out to be completely different. Un-Godly beliefs are also acceptance of truth based on experience, but are gained through the misinterpretation of events and conversations. God can't give you what He doesn't have. Believing that you are stupid (because maybe your dad called you that) or cynical (because things never go right) or shy or always late or never good enough or anything negative about yourself is giving into un-Godly beliefs. The only way to stop believing in them is to break agreement (saying that's not who I am, that's not who God created me to be) with these things and especially pray about them. Listen to God refute them... normally He wouldn't just negate it saying, "You aren't stupid." In fact, He usually says positive things like, "I created you, and you are very clever." Things like that. It was very interesting to listen to the sermon.

Ninja Beans

they're like Mexican jumping beans...

...only they're ninjas.

I'm done with reading about how much America sucks on the internet... never is everybody going to be happy with what America's government does... if we don't do anything, we're in the wrong... when we do actually do something, we're still in the wrong. I'm not saying that America is perfect, and you have the right to criticize, but condemning the entire country and saying that we're all evil and oppressive? That's just ridiculous, and I'm thankful and proud that I was born in America.

Something smells like Pop Tarts....

...I miss Pop Tarts.

Taco, Burrito, Nacho

At one this afternoon, I was ready to throw in the towel. Just to throw my hands up in frustration and scream. I started brooding and realized that as much as I wanted to curse this ridiculous country, I couldn't because I knew that as a Christian my first response is love and prayer... not hatred and cursing. Which sometimes I think is really unfortunate because it's a lot easier to do the latter.

I think I'm going to give up on complaining for a month. And I know that a few people read this blog, and I'm not telling you this so you can point out to other people when I mess up to get a laugh because really, that's nacho business. I'm just sayin'... I'm thinkin' about it.

It reached a lovely 63 degrees out today... some of you Americans would think, "So?" but you are in America and don't know anything, whereas, I'm in England with a trampoline.

Also... my host mother, Debbie, speaks to her children in French sometimes. She's not French.