More to come...

you wish you were there...

I feel that my blog is highly inadequate compared to mitch's... something will have to be done about this...

It's Just Been One of Those Days.

One of those days that through everything that I do, God teaches me something new and wonderful. Brace yourselves, this is going to be a long one.

This morning in our Launch session (for those of you who don't know, Launch is the name of the gap year program[me] I am a part of at All Saints Church), we were talking about the Lifeshapes. You might not know what those are--I didn't. In fact at first, they were quite possibly the most annoying things I'd ever loaned my ears to. To this day, I still find the triangle really annoying... but that's a different story. Today, we learned about the square. A square has how many sides? If you can't remember, revert back to your 4 year-old-self and remember the red square, the blue circle, and the yellow triangle. That's right, it's got four. To save me the hassle of explaining what it looks like and you the frustration of not undersatanding, I have drawn us all a picture.

Now, thanks to Facebook's Graffiti application, we are well equipped with not only a stunning visual but also a vibrant piece of art. This morning we only covered what you see as D1 and D2 with a slight hint of L1 and L2 because you really can't learn about one without understanding the other. This is what appears to be the walk of a Christian. I didn't get it at first either, don't worry. D1 stands for discipleship on the first level L1 for leadership. You can't get to leadership until you've gone all the way around the outer D's. D1 is the begining of faith when everything is really exciting. It's full of kairos moments (moments when God speaks to you and it changes your life) and only kairos moments. It's downright blissful. You are completely incompetent, but you are also so lost in your enthusiasm that doesn't bother you at all.

Now D2... That's where it begins to get a bit viscious. D2 is when you have to respond and deal with the Kairos moments of D1. D2 is when you have lost all of your enthusiasm and you aren't any more confident or competent. This is where most Christians say, "Woa, God... what am I doing? I don't remember signing up for this. I'm gonna go back to D1 because at least I understand that life." Most Christians don't make it past D2... in fact, most Christians don't even make it to the middle of D2. They just give up. They don't understand that they are supposed to persevere and move on to D3, D4, and so on. D3 is when you start seeing the glory. Your enthusiasm is back and it's based on the knowledge you've gained through persevering.

As we were discussing, I found that I went through D1 before I moved here. I had a whole year to be excited to be coming here--to be responding to what God told me. Then, two weeks after I got here, I fell off of D1 and I was in D2. I'm still in D2. I'm sticking it out though. You could say I don't have a choice so that's nothing special, but this is where I let you know how wrong you are. There's nothing keeping me here. I can buy a plane ticket home at any time because I'm not under a signed contract. I could go back to the D1 comforts in Franklin tonight (if I could find a flight home). I can't wait for D3. I want to see God's glory.

That's just one thing I learned.

Randomly through my boredom and my Facebook addiction, I stumbled across a website called Boundless. It's one of the coolest things I've ever found on the web. It's a Christian webzine with loads of articles written by different people all compiled into an online library with topics from being single to college to careers to sex to politics. It's not just a blatent you should or shouldn't do this, but it explains the stances it takes. It's kindof a smaller scale apologetics. There was a good featured article about not everyone being called to wait until they were 30+ to get married. I never like when people freak out about their friends getting married to young. It's not their choice, and it's not their right to get angry about. There were also articles on what I've been dealing with and wondering, and I learned new things. It's worth a look.

I leave you with one last thing.

Last night the sermon was on praying heaven down. I was certain that it was going to be the most boring sermon I'd ever heard in my life. I was positive I had already heard everything that I was about to hear. I was sure that I was going to count the seconds until Lindsay stopped talking. But... it wasn't. I hadn't. I didn't. "We don't take prayer seriously." I can't think of a more powerful statement than that. Honestly? Honestly she's right. She wasn't talking about our posture or the somber attitude that normally goes along with prayer. She was talking about our attitude. I can't think of a time before I came hear that I actually thought God was listening or that my little prayer would make any difference, so I used to have the most flippant attitude towards prayer. When you know and pray as you know that God listens and prayer is the most important lifeline, great things happen. You might have to wait for them, but when you put an effort into your prayer life you certainly notice the difference. I can't wait to see God's kingdom come into the lives of my friends, Stockton, and Nashville, and until I do, I'm going to keep praying for that revolution to come.

Ketchup

Things in my life have turned slightly upside down for a bit I guess. I am okay with 2/3 of that, but not with the other 1/3.

Dave didn't get the Associate Minister position... that means he, Caroline, and little Daniel will be moving sometime after Easter. This makes me incredibly sad because Caroline is my mentor, and Dave is the object of our (those of us at the church) humour. Alan was officially liscenced to the Stockton Parish Church, which means there will be a new Alan/Dave within the coming weeks. I'm glad the spikey haired man did not get it. He freaked Michael and I out. Just waiting to see who it's gonna be now.

Well I'll be living at the Farishes' starting tomorrow night for a week... so... that's going to be new. I will end up living with them after Easter (as the Wakes have extended the offering of their home until then) as the other people I would have been living with have a cat... to which I am allergic. I know that some of you will say, "Oh but you spent the night at my house, and I have a cat!" to which I will reply "I'm slightly alright with one-off evenings with cats, but even then my nose is stuffy and my throat is itchy... so a whole term with cats is no good." And my other option was Dave and Caroline... and they are moving sometime then... Sooo I'm left with the Farishes' house. Should be good fun though.

Andy's coming for nearly 3 weeks in February. I am pretty freaking excited about that. I simply cannot wait. It'll be nice to have a slice of home (he'll be bringing stuff my mum sent me) and it'll be LOVELY to have him here!! He'll be here for Valentine's Day and my birthday!! :) I think Andy and I are gonna take a trip to London, so that will be neat! Mitch is in England... he's down south so we'll probably meet him there one day.

For my gap year, I've finally figured out what I want to do with it... (only taken me 2 1/2 months, but oh well) I'm gonna clean houses... yep that's right. Help clean houses for those who have a genuine need... If they are busy with uni, single mum, ill, or just old. I like cleaning, so this would be good. I got my first house on mondays... and it's actually with Jenna. So we'll see how that goes.

I ran round Preston Park today... that park goes back way further than I thought it did. Today was the first day in a while that it hasn't rained. It was sunny and fairly nice out.

I'm in love with Sufjan Stevens and Kings of Leon.

Life in England really is bizar...

Update

Well life in the past couple of days has been a little rough, but at the moment, things are absolutely great.

I've started journaling... it's half prayer journal half straight up journal. It's good, and relieves loads of stress and frustration that I just can't get out any other way.

I'm on the path to forgiving the U.S. postal service. I've gotten 3 out of four boxes, and all but one (that I know of) card have made their way to people in America.

Life is just getting back on track. Still waiting to see what's up with Eastwood (that being my laptop), but I've worked out computing and such. Things are about to get really busy, but I'm okay with that. Everything is starting back up after term like the clubs and meetings. Andy gets here the morning of the 9th (of February,so I'm really looking forward to that as well.

Well... of to Embassy.

It's odd, but Eastwood's little malfunction has been really good for me. Maybe not for my pocketbook, but for me, it's been grand.

sigh.

My laptop power cord connection thing is broke.
It could cost me a fortune to fix.

I really hate my life right now.

(this blog brought to you by: The Farish Computer)

I know I haven't really said much lately... but... I really don't have much to say.

It is officially 2008 as of yesterday.... good things and bad things like every other year, but this year I've felt more blessed... and on New Year's Eve I just felt peace that this is home for the next 7 months. It is. I've started embracing that fact instead of beating with a stick.

I still miss Tennessee and my friends, but this is where I live now, and I need to be putting my all into here and now, not partially then and partially there.

I think I have to move this month... to a different house... with a different family. I am not at peace with that. I don't want to move... but at the same time I do... but then again, I really don't. I'm comfortable here in my room... and it's a stone's throw away from the church... unlike all of my other options... but then... outside of my room I'm not comfortable. I know that's partially my fault, if not all my fault. It's not easy living in someone else's home.

The postal service owes me Christmas presents. 4 Boxes of them, and I'm angry, frustrated, and slightly depressed at their lack of service. I don't care about the stuff inside at all. I just want the boxes. I just want the comfort of knowing they aren't lost in the mail and a waste of money. And I have to move... so I want them before I have a new address. U.S. Postal Service, I am not impressed.

In Case You Didn't Know...

It's New Years Day, folks.

I'm really starting to settle in now... I know it's been two months, but it takes a really long time to be settled in for me. I think this is record timing.

I'm back from Lanzarote... I have a tan, unlike the rest of the U.K. because of their failure to see the sun. I went with the Farish clan which was so nice to be with family. I'm now an adopted Farish... which is nice... because I finally have a sister called Rachel, and I love her to pieces. Now that I finally have a friend who is not a boy, I really feel as if I can last these next 7 months. It just makes me realize how much I miss my friends back home.

My family got a puppy. I'm jealous. I want to see her and hold her.

The rain in ______ stays mainly in the plain...

....guess where i'm going for Christmas and you are not....

Only... I'm going to an island... not a plain full of rain. If you don't get it.. Google it.

Yellow is the Colo(u)r of Pee

Santa used to be yellow? God bless commercialism.

Christmas is here in less than two weeks. If I'm honest, I miss home terribly. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, and I do feel at home, but I miss my family, Andy, Sarah, their family, and my friends. I don't think one really knows how many Christmas traditions they have until they don't have their family to understand and share them with.

England is invading my immune system. It's been a week since my last cold, and I've another that's worse than the first. I'm sure they're just British diseases that everyone else is immune to, so I get to be sickly all alone.

Well I feel so broke up

I want to go home.



I have random fits where I just want to go home... and to be honest... I always really want to go home... but I love it here so much, it's just that sometimes my love for home outweighs my love for here. I know this is where God wants me, so I stay, and I really do love it. I hate almost everything about the actual living here bit, but I love the people and the scenery.

I probably wrote my mom the most depressing email earlier tonight... Lindsay Browning is awesome.



My boyfriend is positively amazing... He let me watch tv via skype... I got to watch Cash Cab and about 20 minutes of Bear Grylls... and in between those, there was a random show on how to's... really helped my home sickness and my bad attitude in general. It's nice to have some comfort from home even if it's blurry and not the best quality... even just listening to American tv is nice. Tv here isn't the greatest...
how to make paintballs and diamonds... and the best episode of Man Vs. Wild.

In case you didn't know, I'm kinda dating someone right now. Well... not kinda, I am, and have been for the past few months. His name is Andy. Yes, it's serious, and yes, I really miss him.

So today has been a good day... as far as Thanksgivings go though... probably the worst in my life. I miss my family a lot. I miss the Autumnness of Thanksgiving, and the general thankful attitude that everyone has (you should have that attitude all the time, I know). I miss the buttload of food.... tuuuurkey! I will not however miss the leftovers.... Hooray!

This morning in the Launch meeting we learned that we are created as spiritual beings, and listening to God should be really easy... and I've found that it really is if a little effort is put forth. We tried this journaling technique.. it was awkward at first, but once you get going, it's nearly impossible to stop, and you learn so much.

My momma called me on the phone today. Padre was sitting right next to her, and it was really nice to hear their voices... so actually... today has been a really good Thanksgiving...

I'm gonna edit pics and put them up later tonight.

"What's a Canadian geek?"

...the same as a British geek only Canadian... duh, Hannah...

Well... another busy week in my life. I feel a little ice breaker is in need before we just delve in.

Micah's helpful tips for survival for those visiting England:

1. Cars drive on the left side of the road. People walk backwards.
2. Eel pie does not taste like sushi. It doesn't even taste like food.
3. Mind your head.
4. Do not flaunt your straight teeth. They get quite angry.
5. Refer to everyone you meet as a character from Harry Potter. I hear Brits love that.
6. Tell all your British friends how much better the U.S. is. Shoot fireworks off on the 4th of July (and 5th of November) and remind them what 1776 means across the pond.

Well... I'm still living, ...so... thank you, Micah.

I've learned a bit about the churches around here... and unfortunately in some of the most needed places, the church has given up or just become apathetic towards its community. It's extremely irritating. Seriously... in Stockton, there was about 5 churches on one street within 3 minutes walking distance from each other... and they are just dead. Hannah said she wrote one of them to see if we could work a kids club there (there are so many just roaming that I saw), and they said they just wanted to stick to their Sunday morning very traditional, stuffy services.

What? Why, when you have so much potential in the community, would you not take advantage of such an opportunity? It's excruciatingly mind blowing. I really think that they need a come to Jesus Kairos moment because they have obviously forgotten what it's all about.

I've been reading a book called what you didn't learn from your parents about sex and it's a really good read. It's written by Matthew Paul Turner (yes, the guy that started XXXChurch.com) and it's honest. It makes you think; it makes you reflect; It forces you to be honest with yourself. It answers questions that people are afraid to ask in the church. I don't see why sex and the like is such a taboo in the church when everyone thinks about it in their life. Obviously, there are proper forums for such a discussion, but why isn't it brought up more than in three day conferences (that happen rarely) about waiting until marriage and porn is bad speeches when that's not even the half of it? We're naturally curious (that's how God made us), and since the church has done a rubbish job teaching the subject, we're forced to find answers from anyone or anything that might give us an answer- regardless its truth (or lack thereof).

Anyway... I'm off my soapbox now.

The new Killers cd (Sawdust) is fantastic.

I missed home Saturday. I suppose you could say that I was even mildly depressed. Seriously. I prayed about it, and I was given answers almost immediately. Since I've been here I've really seen the power of prayer and just how much it works.

I just got a call from Mitch Miller via Skype... that was a nice conversation...

I just remembered something on my street that has to do with helicopters, police, and a prison... but it will have to wait as it's two in the morning. I've got an extremely busy day tomorrow; I'm going to bed. Pictures soon as well, I promise.

WELL.... I'm in England.

I love my life, and I'm settling in well. I definitely know this is where God wants and has wanted me to be. I'm just surrounded by encouragement from my leaders... or bosses... whichever you want to call them. I prefer leaders cause I like leaders better because I'd rather follow instead of being a slave.

I'm a little bit frustrated with life at the moment though. Just with the fact that it's hard to make friends when you don't have a good social network like school or work... I suppose Launch is my job, which makes it more frustrating when not many people come to church in the first place. I love everyone at All Saints though. They're really welcoming, and super nice.

I miss knowing everyone like I did back home though. That's probably the hardest I guess... having to meet everyone at once.

Tim and Lindsay are excellent youth workers, and they are really awesome people in general. They have really big hearts and I can see how bad they want change in the area, and it makes me long for change as well. Hannah is amazing with all that she does. She's got so many projects to be working on, and still have discipleship with Michael and I (which I enjoy thoroughly). They're all just so busy trying to impact Teesside and just giving their all, and it's just really refreshing to see people truly living out what they believe. It's also really frustrating just to see so much of their effort seeming to be thrown down the drain, but I can tell and really feel God moving in this place, and I'm just terribly excited.

It's a whole different culture here... you'd expect it to be the same as America... and for some things it is, but at the same time, it's really not. Church here isn't as geared towards those in the church, but rather getting people to come to church... at least that's how it is at All Saints. I'm sure though, that you can't have Bible studies when no one's really coming consistently each week. I think for the most part the only thing focused internally is Sunday morning and evening worship. Everything else is more outreaching and evangelistic. And I'm not saying that like it's a bad thing, it's just different. It makes me realize that I'm not going to be spoon fed like I was back home. I'm going to have to stop being lazy and start learning to used a knife and a fork on my own.

I like that I can walk anywhere I need to go. The other day I walked to Yarm and back (only a 30 min walk one way) by myself just to explore and visit Ste in his workplace. And if I'm ever in a pinch, I can just walk to Tesco by myself. I've been to Tesco about six or 7 times in the past week. Saw fireworks last Monday as it was Guy Fawkes day. I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but I'm not in the mood to correct myself. Went to an American diner... it might just be me, but... we don't serve mint burgers or something weird like that. They had some very unAmerican things on the menu.

As for Launch and what I'm doing there; Michael, Hannah, and I have had 2 assemblies so far. One at Bewlyey in Billingham and one at St. Mary's School in Longnewton. They've gone well, and I really like doing them. Mondays I have Launch discipleship and Fuse. Fuse is just a club for the younger kids, and it's probably my favorite so far. Wednesdays I've got Big Ted, Powerpack, a Christian Union at Egglescliffe school (being called Engage to plug for the church event wednesday nights) and Engage... not always every Wednesday. Big Ted is with toddlers and babies. I'm helping with puppets tomorrow. Powerpack is an after school club for the kids that go to St. Mary's and it's a lot of fun as well. I can't wait to meet Byron tomorrow. Thursdays I have Launch team time, and other than that, it's my day off. Fridays I have Toddlers and 360. 360 is basically the same as Fuse for older kids, but not as structured. It may not seem like much, but there are always random things thrown in like assemblies and other church events.

Last Saturday I helped set up, serve tea/coffee, and tear down for a worship workshop that lasted all day. This Saturday I am helping with Amy Burns' new project called G:em and they are having an event... aaaall day. I will be there 8:15 am-10:30 pm (if I'm lucky).

Anyway, I am bored of writing this post. Hopefully I won't have to play catch up like this and will have more time to blog. Pictures and such to come later.

I'm just being honest.

I'm actually really sad to be leaving tomorrow... this is such a foreign feeling right now... I always thought that I'd be so happy. This isn't the room I'm going to sleep in anymore... my family won't be the family I come home to anymore... I won't have my dog to spaz at me anymore... I won't have friends calling me anymore... It's all so mildly depressing.

Sorry for the downer.

I'ma Miss This

They're running out like the French!

So everyone wants to hang out before I leave, and they all want to hang out at the same time... choose a different day, people... but do it soon cause my days in this country are numbered (11)!

I can't hang out this Wednesday (24), Friday (26), Saturday (27), Sunday (28), next Monday (29), Tuesday (30), Thursday (1), or Friday (2)... and obviously not saturday the third as I am leaving that day.

13 Days.

It's like waiting for Christmas.

What the?!

This really pisses me off.. not that Dumbledore was gay... but that she waited this long to say anything. It changes a lot about how I would have viewed/interpreted the last book.

16 Days.

I'm going to England.
I'm counting down.
I'm so excited.
I'm gonna miss my friends.
I'm gonna miss my family.
I'm going to England.

You'd think

...that by now I would know how to think before speaking.

Nope. Not really.

Well...

Huh.

Juvenile Delinquent Finch

Facebook graffiti is starting to own my life... and this is how I know that I have waaay too much time on my little idle hands.

The visa app. is in the mail. I find myself not wanting to talk about it. In fact, it makes me so nervous I don't know if I feel like throwing up or crying. Well... come Friday October 19, I should know... so don't ask until then unless you want my tears and/or lunch on your shirt.

I'm pretty confident, but at the same time, I can think of a million things I should have said, done, or not done since that package left my care. I'm gonna try not to think about it... but who am I kidding? I'm a worrier!

Snowden. Check 'em out. I like "Anti Anti," "Black Eyes," and "Between the Rent." They are definitely worth taking a listen.

This for the time being, shall be good Wednesday because it has been a heck of a lot better than yesterday.

Dear little boy in my house right now,

I am so sorry your mother somehow tricked you into coming to my house to sit around with a bunch of old ladies eating tacos that talk loudly. I know what it's like to be told something's going to be fun, only to find that gouging your eyes out is more entertaining. I was tricked a lot as a little child; I feel your pain.

Sincerely,
Weird girl who said hello in the kitchen.

On a different note...

Sometimes I cannot wait.
And sometimes I do not want to go at all.
I'm gonna miss a lot.
Either way.
I'm gonna miss a lot.

I love this band so much.
I can't get enough.

I know.

I know I said I knew a lot of things are gonna be hard in life.
Now I really know.

I was talking to Amy Haywood tonight and she told me she was currently learning that instead of searching for God's will, search for God himself because it's God who reveals his will, not us uncovering it. And how am I supposed to let God reveal something to me when I'm not even paying any attention to him.

And I'm just so impatient. I want everything in my life to just snap to and happen right away. Then I remember I'm only eighteen and I have all my life to struggle and to grow.

And I honestly don't want to work at Bed Bath & Beyond.

Two years ago this month, I was on a journey that I would have never expected to happen. I never thought I would ever leave the country, and there I was going to freaking England. It's hard to believe it's been so long. And this is the point where it actually stings my heart to know that I may not be going again. I mean, I know I miss it, but this is the point where it actually hits me that I'm not there... For the past two years this is the time that I'm counting down the days and the hours until my flight leaves making very last minute preparations... but I don't have a flight to count down to anymore. And it kinda sucks.

Micah is Twenty!

Congratulations on becoming an old man!


I stole that last picture from claire...

Augusta was fun. Nothing extremely eventful happened. The car rides were more than enjoyable. Sarah and Curtis are a couple of my most favorite people. Went to the lake on Saturday and that was good. I like some swimming and I got a tiny tan! Other than that we just chilled and watched some movies. Left Sunday after lunch.

Today... well I suppose technically yesterday... was Micah's birthday. We all went to the Old Spaghetti factory... pictures to come later.

Goin' to Augusta.

Georgia, that is.

My life is a succession of awkward moments.

I'm hoping to be leaving tomorrow for Georgia to visit Andy with Sarah and Curtis tomorrow... we'll see how that goes. I'm kinda anxious... in a bad way because I just had to buy a new phone and I really don't want to spend too much money especially when I'm just about to apply for a new visa... it's all just cutting it uncomfortably close. I think quitting Kroger was a bad idea.

Stupid hindsight.

Some people have asked me how I find the music that I do... to that I answer with an honest, "I don't know." I just get lucky I guess... I browse music sites and listen to all the free music (because I am poor) I find. Well, I'll throw you a bone. Check out "Deep Sea Suit." I like it a lot.

I'm babysitting Celia Tate right now. I've never actually watched real babies... always just kids who are for the most part self sufficient and just need a little attention and a little bit of a guardian angel (because they would practically kill themselves if someone wasn't watching). Babies are kinda cool.

At the moment in my life, I think that God is trying to teach me something... I don't know what it is, but that's probably because I'm not listening... just kinda noticing that he's tugging on my sleeve saying... something. I was reading a couple of friend's blogs, and I was seeing how much God is doing through them, and I think I'm almost listening right now.... I just gotta figure out how to pay attention. Or maybe He's just preparing me for something. I dunno.

Celia Tate (a.k.a. babytate) is the sweetest baby ever. Even when she cries... cause she doesn't have an earsplitting screech... kinda like a muffled gurgle cry. Love it. I like babysitting because it gives my day some purpose. I don't sit around my house all day.

Sarah's birthday was yesterday! Big One Nine... only there's nothing really special about nineteen... other than it being your last year as a teen... you don't get any cool privileges or nothin. But it was cool cause I went to Sarah's house and hung out with her new puppy, Opie, and her family. We went to Shogun(s) afterwards and it was tasty.

And I don't know what it is, but I seriously miss all the Brits lately. Maybe I just miss the homeland...

"Hey Meaghan, wouldnt that be cool if I were in Franklin right now?"

uh... Liz is home! ...and... I'm so excited.

Anxiety!

He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.
Psalm 40:11

He will carry the lambs in his arms close to his heart. Through all my inevitable breakdowns and hysterical fits I throw when talking to God, I fail to notice that God's clutching me to his chest, and I'm too preoccupied to feel his heart beat for me.

But those who hope in the LORD will remember their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not grow faint. [....] So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand. [....] I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.
Isaiah 40:31; 41:10; 49:15-16

I'm just gonna take it one day at a time.

It's Gonna be Alright

God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
And I don't care what the world throws at me now
I'm gonna be alright

Hear the sounds of the generations
Making loud our freedom song
All in all that the world would know Your name
It's gonna be alright

Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Salvation that died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Cause You are alive and You live in me

Salvation is Here | Hillsong United


Sometimes one just needs to hear these words.

I'm that one, and that time is now.

Sara Haywood, I love your heart. I wish I could just keep a pocket version of you with me wherever I go, but I suppose late night phone calls would suffice as well.

I miss everything about England.

Well... almost everything... I do not miss prawn cocktail flavored "crisps."

at all.

It was cold tonight... 65 degrees, man. I'm so freaking excited. I love Autumn with all of my heart. I cannot wait for October.... that is my favorite month because good things happen in October.

I babysat Celia Tate Monday. She's a hoot.

Ashley and I danced in a parking lot last night...

Sarah's birthday is this weekend.

Did I ever mention I actually no longer work at Kroger? As of a week today, I clocked out for the last time. How does it feel not having a job, you ask?

BRILLIANT.

Whadya say?

Well... I apparently suck at sleeping... or at least I suck at getting to sleep...

I'm ready for whatever God wants right now. Hopefully this is not a late night feeling of fatigue mixed with giving up, but a true preparedness that God has given me. Only time will tell.

I really do miss people... who knew that the distance would suck so much? I mean, there are phones and internet, but it's not really the same. I want to hug people and just be with them in person to laugh and talk. I miss my LifeGroup.

Speaking of LG's I'm an apprentice LifeGroup leader now. Amy Haywood and I share a group of 6th grade girls... they are obnoxious... they are rude... they are frustrating... they are loud... they are a handful... And I love them. I don't know what it is, but I'm drawn to them, no matter how distracted they are... and I'm fully aware that this will be one of the biggest challenges in my life... but I can't even begin to know what it would be like without them and I've only spent an hour with them. Maybe if I don't go to England, this is what God wants for me, and I'm completely okay with that. I do know that they will be missed dearly if I do get to go.


I say bring it on.

I'm Great!

How are you?

This weekend was amazing. There's too much to remember. I like it that way. I'd much rather not remember everything I've done, than answer "What'd you do this weekend?" with another, "Oh, nothing really."

Sarah's brother, Andy, was home for the weekend, so his friends, Sarah, and I did as much together in the time we were allotted. Liz came home, but I didn't get to see her but for 5 minutes at Steak & Shake (my third visit of the weekend). I'm hoping to go visit her for a weekend.


This movie was okay. It was not like anything I've seen before, but I've lost appreciation for movies that end happily just to appease the audience. I suppose from one angle, it did, and from another, it didn't. The thing I have to remember is that for some people movies are kind of an escape from reality, but I don't like that because people confuse taking a two hour vacation and replacing reality with fiction. I like realistic endings that have meaning that don't confuddle the mind.


Hey, Liz, ... hey ... I miss you too.

I work 8 and a half hours tomorrow... as a bagger... dang.

Meg is tired of a lot of things.

She's extremely tired of phones and internet and things that go unresolved. Too bad that seems that's how life goes a lot of the times.

She is not, however, tired of not working... which is what she is not doing tomorrow, thanks to Amber for taking her shift.

What?! That's just ridiculous. Something tells me that Croc pants are not going to be comfortable...

New Post!

You don't know me

... and apparently I don't know me either!

I'm still finding out things about myself. You'd think that eighteen and a half years of living with me, I'd know every inch of my brain and how it works. Well... I don't.

I might not quit Kroger. I can't really say why right now, but it's good.

And it would be nice if you are going to tell me what God's will is, if you pray about it first. I don't want to know your will, I want to know God's, so don't encourage me by telling me that this (whatever "this" is) when you haven't talked to God about it. It's not very good encouragement if it's not, and then you tell me it's not God's will.

I went to work today even though it was my day off. At least I don't have to close on Saturday now. That was the only thought that kept me going today because today was one of those days.

Learning to Breathe

Where's my Virginia?

I Am Home

Please, don't tell me you are sorry. I know you care, so tell me that you are praying for me instead of telling me you are sorry. Praying for me shows me that you care more than if you just say "I'm (so x 35 million) sorry." I know God has amazing plans that I can join in on, so there's no reason to be sorry.

Welcome to Greenbrier

A family kind of town.

I have news for whoever wrote that sign... every town is a family town in Arkansas. Those of you who read my blog know my feelings towards Arkansas... I absolutely do not care for it. It's country throughout the entire state- not a pretty country- a junk land country.

My cousin has pooped herself twice today. She doesn't really care. I have a feeling that she could sit in her poop all day and not bat an eyelash. Ah, to be four again.

I did not get my VISA. I was extremely upset at first, and I still kind of am, but I can only think that God's got something better in store for me. I think I might be attending Bryan College in the spring semester... that's in Dayton, TN.

I quit Kroger... I got two weeks left. Hallelujah, I quit Kroger. I'm gonna go work at Joann's for a while. I'd like their discount better. Anything is better than Kroger... except restaurants (i.e. Chuck E. Cheese). Or maybe I'll go work at a chocolate factory.

The Gran has a new house. I like it. The Gran has a man friend. They are just friends. I still don't think I will like him if/when I meet him. I miss the Papa. We always tell stories about him, and I laugh. Sometimes I forget what it's like to talk to him, and sometimes I forget how close we were. Sometimes I forget he died 'cause cancer ravaged his body... he was decently young. Then, I remember and my heart misses him terribly.

Today is Kayla's birthday. She's nine. Happy birthday, girly. We had a BBQ and the whole family was there. Even Cat (Tom's [my brother's] girlfriend). I talked to Poophead (Sara) Haywood today via Skype. If you have a webcam.. get Skype. Then I went shopping and finally I have more than one pair of jeans.

That concludes the life of mine you've been missing out on.

Only in Amsterdam....

Old Habits are Hard to Break

I used to swear a lot. I decided a long time ago that I didn't want to anymore... but it's really really hard right now.

Half Birthday.

Let it Rain, Let it Pour

All of a sudden a wave of trust, peace and hope washed over my heart today during service. I went to write it in my journal; at the bottom of my journal pages are Bible verses. Today's:

Romans 15:13
May the God hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I used that once in a painting I did for my mom when she was stressing and anxious. It seems it's gone full circle back to me.

And it's pouring outside... thank God.

Good-bye Summer

Which means, good-bye, friends.


I'm glad I can't really explain this.


Rachel.... have fun at UTK. Be good! I miss you.


Pinkerton... with Sarah.


Tybee with the College class.. I love love love it.


Oh, Liz.... what am I to do without you.


The Fourth... by far my favorite holiday.


The two Brits.


I'd just like to point out Mike's eyes...


Lake with the college class.

Everyone is going off to school and I'm staying here working. I'm learning to patiently wait it out. I do not like, however, discovering the life of a townie. I'm ready for that to be over and done with.

The Eternal Waiting Room

(that is my life)

As much as I hate waiting, you would think I would hate life... I mean, what is life but a bunch of waiting. Waiting for food, waiting in line, waiting for a phone call, waiting to go out, waiting to get off work, waiting to graduate, waiting for a VISA, waiting for.... you name it... life is the eternal waiting room.

I did a small session that Amy-Jo lent me about learning to wait well. What can God teach me? And honestly I thought it was going to be crap, but it turns out that it's exactly what I needed. I don't know exactly what God's going to teach me, but I do know that it's a constant reminder that it's all in God's timing. He is in control, and I am absolutely not.

I've learned that there is no shame in waiting. David waited. Joseph waited. Moses waited.

Jesus waited.

And by gosh, if the son of God can wait, I figure it won't kill me to wait either.

All my friends leave me this week. It's hitting me that I have graduated and life hasn't become one big summer. My friends are going places I can't follow right now. They are ready to move on with their lives, and I'm waiting.



And I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm terribly impatient.

SUCH a good movie. I loved it.

I bought The Departed and the first season of The Office (US). It was worth it.

I've also realized that I don't want a relationship anytime soon. I don't want the responsibility, nor do I have the time or effort for one. So for now, I'm staying single for as long as I can stand it.

Happy Birthday, Rachel. You are finally 18. You are also in Europe now. Lucky jerk.

Everything is clearer.
I love God.
I love life.
I love music.

I hate Kroger.



His music makes me so happy.

The Deep Understandings of Shel

You've been up on that diving board.
Making sure that it's nice and straight.
You've made sure that it's not to slick.
You've made sure it can stand the weight.
You've made sure that the spring is tight.
You've made sure that the cloth won't slip.
You've made sure that it bounces right.
And that your toes can get a grip --
And you've been up there since half past five
Doin' everything...but DIVE.


The Diving Board | Shel Silverstein

It's 3 AM

why am i not asleep?
i don't even know.

Visa stuff sent off today. Well... technically yesterday.

This is it. I'm not applying for a new one if I don't get it.

You know that inner shoulder bone thing? My left one sticks out more than the right. Is this okay?

Life

is interesting.

I found my phone.
I got a lap top.
I'm ready for summer to be over.

Unwanted

This is one of those days I feel that way.

Since my last post I've been to Chicago and back... for my fourth and last time. It was a good trip, but I'm very glad to be home. I don't know how I'm going to cope next year. I like coming home too much.

My beloved camera finally broke from all the abuse it's been handed. Hopefully it can be fixed... I don't want to deal with buying a new one... and I don't want to buy a new one. On the upside I got to use the church's polaroid camera throughout the week and I got some wicked pictures.

I'm changing my web address... further notification later. Also, I do not like my blog design anymore... I need a different picture.

Speaking of Chicago, I went to the British consulate to turn in my Visa application. "Come back at 2:30 and I will let you know my decision." So my mother and I came back right at 2:30. "What's your name? ... Oh, please wait over there for a few minutes." So I did. This can't be good. And it wasn't. I got rejected. That's right. Only because I applied for the wrong visa and a couple of other technical details- but still... I got rejected. "If you apply for the right one, I don't see why you wouldn't get accepted."

Moral of the story: If you are going to England for anything other than simply visiting, don't waste $450 on a visitor's visa because you won't get one.

So my life is again at a standstill and I hate waiting rooms.

Life Update

Well... as you can see the blog is undergoing graphic update... it'll be a while before I can finish it.

I still can't wait to quit Kroger. I'm still stressed.

I've started working out. That helps with the hatred of Kroger and the stress.

Prayer helps with the stress as well. So if you would pray for me, that would be simply smashing.

Went to the lake Sunday. When I can find my camera cord, I will post pictures of the beach and the lake.

Well... things have been better... the beach was great. More on that later.

Kroger

Uscan... the worst place to work. The customers are by far the most impatient people- that's why they go to Uscan in the first place. Then, something goes wrong. Then, they aren't even people anymore- just irritated masses of carbon.

Express lane... c'mon. You know it's the express lane. Just because you unload your groceries on the conveyer belt, letting me start your order, and then, suddenly looking up to see the sign doesn't mean I don't notice that your Kroger card is worn out beyond belief. "Oh, I didn't know this was the Express..." does not fly.

Just because your kid is crying and screaming doesn't mean you should get them whatever they want. It just means you need to leave the premises immediately.

Yes, that lane is open. That's why there is someone standing in front of the register. And yes, I do need your ID for beer. I don't care if it's an inconvenience for you to have to go out to your car. It's an inconvenience for me to stop what I'm doing to scan your alcohol because you went through a 17-year-old's line.

No, you cannot pull one can/bottle of beer out of a package- it's not sold seperately. Go put it back. And no, you cannot get cash back paying with a credit card seeings how you aren't paying from your bank account. You have no cash to get back.

Update.

By the way did I tell you I decided to grow up? Yea... it's true.

I'm still addicted to Lost.

I've come to find that Cool Springs is an ironic name for this area. It's not cool, and there are no springs.

I am a person who likes to hang out at home. No, I don't like to go out all the time and do stuff. I work all the time, I'm too tired to go out. I miss just being at home sometimes. If that makes me boring... well... okay.

I'm too busy. I don't like it. I'll have worked a week before I get a day off.

$300 and something is totally worth it I guess.

This was an okay movie. I liked it, but there was a lot of scenes that weren't needed. I love that it was different and more realistic, and I appreciate that. I'm tired of movies that have a happy ending for the sake of having a happy ending. those fill my stomach with EZ Cheeze® to the point that it makes me want to vomit.

I also saw New World, though I can say that I will never appreciate Pocahontas ever again- it's also not a movie that I would readily volunteer for watching among the masses, but if anyone suggested it I wouldn't say no. It was beautifully filmed, but there was no real climax. I would watch it again several times, but it's not one of those movies I would watch all of the special features on.

So 40 hours this week. Yea, buddy. I have to close tomorrow by myself. I like customer service. It's very humbling and it's boring, but in a good way. It's boring in the way that I know I don't have to do anything unless there's a customer (aside from couting down all the tills), not in the way that I have to babysit 16-18 year olds with paperwork to do afterwards.

Here's something I know all will appreciate: Today on my lunch a man in his fifties drove right in front of me. He obviously thought he was a stud because he was leaning back- one hand on the weel, and one hanging out the window- and he was rockin out and singing to "Dontcha Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot Like Me" by who I believe to be the Pussycat dolls. He looked over at me and I started laughing. I was later informed that he was a carnie. This was the cherry on top.

And Aparently I Got a Raise at Work...

...yessssssssssssssssssss.

So a kid backed in to me today at Sonic... and I mean the kind of back up into me that deals with cars. That was crazy. No real damage though. That was good. It was my brother's car.

On a completely different note, I do not believe how some people can be complete, illogical idiots. They make me want to scream out of frustration.

Hokay Here's the Deal

God really knows what He's doing.
Amen.

Home.

I hung out with old friends yesterday. Friends from freshman year. Ben, Rachel, and Joe. We went to Pinkerton park (a place I seem to visit a lot) and then to downtown Franklin and chilled. It was really good to hang out with them... it was almost like closure. Start school with an amazing group of friends, and then, end school with an amazing group of friends.

Things haven't changed. We all look the same. Different hair cuts, taller, and different voices (in the boys of course).

I'm going to miss a lot about franklin this fall. And Kroger will not be one of them.

And I'm still addicted to Lost.

I'm hooked.

And I positively love everything about summer.

I'm being trained in customer service at work.... it's too early to tell if this is a good or bad thing.

These are fantastic games. Hours and hours of entertainment. Whoever thought of these games are probably beyond rich right now. My hat is off to them for numbing the consumer into the mindset that looking like an idiot is fun.

Hey... whatever works, man. It sure worked on me.

So yesterday I went to the park. Was an adventure.

The summer's getting stale quickly. It's only been 4 days and I'm already tired of hanging out all the time. This week I'm going to work 40 hours... and I'm being trained in customer service in which I'm excited, but at the same time-- not. I will mostly have something to do all day. 8 hours a day at Kroger? Lord please take me home now. Oh well... in 2 months I will be able to make $2,000 so I can't really complain.

I'm looking forward to Chicago this year. It is my most favorite church trip. I love everything about this trip. The kids, the questions, the looks, the festivities. Everything.

Dang.

Whatever.

"So this is love"

After a day at work and a car adventure with Sarah, I had a chance to watch the beauty that is Garden State with Rachel. If I could marry a movie, this one would be my life long partner. I love every single thing about this movie... except the hotel peep show... that was awkward and wrong.

The Office

This show is freaking hilarious. This is the kind of funny you have to think about and notice the small things. Ricky Gervais is a legend. He plays David Brent (the boss), and he does a such a good job of making the audience cringe with embarrassment. Mackenzie Crook (Gareth) leaves the office with awkward laughter. Poor Tim (Martin Freeman) and Dawn (Lucy Davis) don't have right timing. I love everything about this office and I love both seasons and the Christmas special. I love the Christmas special the most.

This US version is also knee-slappingly funny. It's more slap stick, but it's great. Dwight is amazing and Jim and Pam also do not have the right timing. I almost wrote this show off because the first season was almost verbatim to the first series of the UK version, but finally left the nest in season 2. The show still follows a blurred guidline from the UK version in all the major changes, but has a mind of its own.

I'm guessing the fourth season of The Office (US) is going to be the last because they can't drag out the Jam relationship for too long without the show going stale. I can't wait until Jan leaves the show. She was okay as Michael's boss, but when she became a psycho sex freak she weirded me out. Her character needs to leave. It's bitter sweet that Ryan left; I never really liked him much, but he was funny. I can't wait for the season premier... even though I won't be here... thank God for the internet.

The family is leaving tomorrow.... I'm looking forward to the silence.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

Meg done got her self grajiatd yesterday.

I'm excited.

After graduation I didn't feel any different. I went swimming; then, I came home and had a gathering of friends and family for a few hours. It felt like a birthday party with a buffet in my dining room. Today, though, was when it all hit me. I was running across town to Brentwood's graduation to watch Sara and a few others graduate, and then, to CPA's graduation to watch Lizzy and a couple more graduate. That's when it hit me that this is real and I won't be going back to the halls of Centennial High School ever again.

It's odd. It' really refreshing. Grade school was beyond stale.

The crazy thing is that through 13 years of education, I still don't really know what I want to do with my life. I know I'm going to leave it up to God, but I don't have any special talent or nack for anything. I'm just kinda mediocre at everything. I like making friends, but that's not going to pay the bills unless I was to get some very generous rich friends. Hopefully if and when I get married my husband has a bit more direction in his life.

One more transition to go until I will mercilessly be thrown into the real world and am forced to settle with something, though I'm prolonging that transition by going to England-- which as of now I have a little under $3,000 out of the $5,000 I need to raise, so things are looking good.

Prayer is a requested support, and if you feel like donating a buck, I won't tell you no, but the prayers are most important to me.

At World's End

SO so very good. A couple cheap laughs that were placed in there that I admittantly did laugh at, but it felt a little bit out of place. Very unexpected ending that I liked a lot. It left it open for a fourth movie, and I can't say that I'm excited. I just don't want it to end up crap. It did a good job of tying in the other two films very well. I was impressed.

If this is true... I honestly don't want to see the fourth one. Not because it's Orlando Bloom, but Will Turner is an essential character to the POTC plot. If it wasn't for Will, Elizabeth, and Jack there would be no POTC. Without one of those characters it would feel empty and incomplete.

I also have to say that I wasn't to impressed with Elizabeth's role in this one either.

The Departed

I love this movie. Go watch it... unless you don't like violence or swearing.
Mark Wahlberg adds some hilarious comic relief, and Nicholson is a gangsta til the end.

Check out the trailor here.

I'm Back

With the rest of my life starting, I figured this was a good time to pick this blog back up.

Today was my official last day of school. Went to take my physics exam, and left 2 hours later. Boo Ya.

All the family is coming this weekend. I hate cleaning. Dang graduation.

I was rereading all my posts and was surprised at how much God has directed my life in the past year. Certain things I worried about took care of themselves; I find myself looking back and laughing.

Hopefully that's the same this time.

I have to raise $5,000 to be able to go to England this fall. I want $6-7,000 in case there's something random I have to pay for. You never know. I won't stress this time.

I'm always talking about how great this next year will be, but sometimes I think I am pulling the wool over my own eyes because it's not going to always be easy (if easy at all).

The things I'm going to miss the most next year:
Rachel
Sara
Charis
Traci
Nichole
Kara
My Church
My Family
My Dog
The Weather
Driving
My Room
American Food
Feeling At Home


Matthew 6.34
Jeremiah 29.11-13

Sometimes things are Different From what We Want.

Then, on a completely different note, there's always White Ninja.

Lost

I've lost a lot of things recently.
I am absent minded.
Too much so for my own good.

Dead Bunnies

Grade A material.
I've been laughing out loud all day.
People think I've gone mad.
It's hilarious.
Then, BAM!
It's serious.
Currie doesn't come off as "holier than thou" either.
It's not a self help book.
It's not a you are terrible book.
It's not a cheesey book.
It's a conversation.
I've almost finished it in one day, with school and work.
It's just so good.

"The Beauty of Grace is that it Makes Life Not Fair"

So I constantly think I've got this whole following God thing down, but then something happens, I'm thrown off course and I feel like I'm lost with no way home.

A lot goes on in my life that I don't really care to share. I'm not a sharing person when it comes to my life. I keep it to myself. And it's not like I'm about to change that on here, so don't get your hopes up.

I just find myself saying that certain things aren't fair, but in the back of my mind, I understand, thank God it's not. I don't mean that in a cheesy, "Aw, my friend got this and I didn't" kind of thing. I mean that in a "I can't do anything about this, and I'm so confused" kind of way. There's a constant acceleration of annoying thoughts that go through my head that make me feel like I live the hard life. Financially, emotionally. I mope around and don't do anything all day. I know there are people worse off than me, but for some reason, I just don't care.

Frankly, it's pathetic, and it disgusts me. Forget that.

So it's time to practice the patience that I don't have (it's a virtue you know).

On another note, I just spent $84.04 at Borders. For the life of me how did that happen?! Oh... wait... because I wasted twelve of those dollars since I had to buy the hardback version for school because they were sold out of paperback, and it's my fault for not getting it sooner. Crap. My purchase included:

Kite Runner: Kahled Hosseini (obviously the school book)
Captivating: John and Stasi Eldredge
Waking the Dead: John Eldgredge
Dead Bunnies: Brian Currie

So I've got loads of reading ahead of me, including How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth by Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart of which I borrowed from Jacob Strother.

And apparently I didn't have to work today, instead I have to work tomorrow... what a pleasant surprise.

I'm out.

New Age

It's crazy when you finally understand something.

You've heard it all your life, it makes you numb without you realising it. You hear it and you shrugg it off.

But there's something magical (yea, that's right, magical) about understanding something for the first time.

And there's something beautiful about God's affirmation.

It is the living word, and God does listen to me. God does interact with me. I just have to listen. I don't feel good enough because I'm not- I never will be.

That's what Jesus is for.

hey blogosphere,

i have no friends!

"That kind of myopic, 'it's all about me' vision, is the crippling by-product of not knowing who He is and who we are not"

Something occured to me while I was eating my turkey today. Not that I'm thankful for anything in particular, or even thankful in general. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful about loads of things, but that wasn't it. Not this thanksgiving.

I sat and I listened, I mean really listened, to my parents talk about their lives before they met each other and when they did meet each other. It was just weird.

Who thinks about their parents before they were married?

Mine didn't come into existence until my birth. Suddenly 2 adults and a two-year-old boy came into existence right when I was born. In fact, that's when the world started, I may add.

The history books? Not real. Other countries? Not real. Other states? Not real. Other cities? Not real. Other neighborhoods? Not real. Other houses? Not real.

Now I know they are actually real, but I live in the mindset that of course those things are real, but I never think about them as real. If they don't directly relate to me, that's just a sideshow as to what's going on in my life.

"Lately It Just Seems To Me"

like we've got the letters A.D.D.
branded into our mentality
we simply can't focus on anything

Maintain Consciousness | Relient K

Haven't blogged in 2 or three weeks, and a two post day?!
I know, the universe is upside down.

Lifegroups was a big help tonight.

Don't worry about your future. God has plans for you.
Do not brag about your future. You do not know those plans He has for you.
Pray and spend time with God, and He'll tell you.

My only problem is that I cannot focus.

I don't have a huge problem with trust.
I don't have a huge problem with having to know why.
I don't have a huge problem with rebelling.

I swear I have ADD or ADHD or sommat.

...which is daft.

What? Free Time?! Seriously.

Long time no blog.
I've been meaning to.
I just have a life now.
It's weird, I'm telling you.

The flight back from good ole Teesside (rather manchester since that's where we flew out of) was good. Pretty much slept the whole way. I miss everyone, but mainly I miss going into the schools and talking to the kids, and I miss the work. Sure it was tiring, but it was a good kind of tiring if ya know what I'm sayin'.

Life has not exactly slowed down.
Life has not exactly gotten any easier.
Life has not exactly become any kinder.
Life has punched me in the face.
I'm missing a few teeth and have a black eye.
Not really, but you know.

I'm enjoying life more now.
Taking time to enjoy the little things.
Talking to friends.
Hanging out with friends.
Sitting on the computer doing nothing.
Sitting and doing nothing.
It's beautiful.

My last post is the most emo thing I have ever read much less written. Good gracious.
Wow, a lot of life has happened since my last post.
Insane.
I need to update this thing.
Maybe a new template if I am ever extremely bored again.
Most likely not.
We'll see.