Procrstination '06

Summer reading procrastination finally ends this afternoon. Before work, I am going to Borders to get all 3 books and finish them in two weeks. It can't be done you say? Just watch me.

Colby is leaving tomorrow for Mexico again. I'm kind of saddend by this, but happy as well. For one the reality of school starting bludgens me when I think of him leaving. O school...it's only two weeks away.

My g-ma and aunt and cousin are comming tomorrow and are invading my room which means it has to be really clean...which means I have to clean it.

School starts two weeks from today.

Skittles

taste the...ahem.

I didn't realize how much I missed taking pictures.
I do realize that I hate cleaning.
I didn't realize that my brother can be cool sometimes.
I do realize that I am a procrastinator.
I didn't realize that the weather sucked so bad.
I do realize that I start school two weeks from tomorrow.
I didn't realize it was so close.
I do realize that I haven't even bought my summer reading yet.

I've got some new favorite people in my life. They are great.

Hearts and Spades

Ugh.

I am proud of my parents. They quit using their credit cards. As I type this, I realize that my life will be getting a little harder. O well--they say it's got to get worse before it gets better.

Thank God for life opening experiences. Though I've been to the same places in Chicago for the past three years, it never ceases to teach me things. A week a year will never suffice to remind me I am well off compared to some.

My heart is being pulled in so many different directions at the moment. Not like boys...okay maybe a little bit...but really, things I want to do with my life, places I want to go. Life is so short. I want to go to Africa. I want to go to Russia. I want to go back to Japan, the Philippines, and Korea. I want to go to Canada. I want to go to Brazil. I want to Live in England. I want to be a graphic designer. I want to be a minister. I want to be a photographer. I want to take loads of classes. I want to learn. I want to teach. I want to experience everything that God has made. Most of all i want to learn.

I don't want to pick and choose. Hopefully I won't ever have to. I feel that with God all of this is possible. Before the England mission trip this past fall I felt that I would never leave the US much less North America. I'm not saying that I will get to do all of this, but anything is possible with God. Anything, and as much as that is a comfort, it's also extremely nerve wrecking. God can and will call me to where ever he needs me and that could be very dangerous--or not what I had in mind for myself.

Home

After a not so warm greeting from my mother, I walked in the door. Things cooled down and I saw that she was making tacos. I'd had enough tacos today between my actually eating them and Will farting them. Ugh, don't even get me started.

This week has been amazing. Last night, after the Mac store, we went to Virgin Records (AMAZING) , Borders, Hershey's store, and Starbucks. I had so much fun. I bought the Raconteurs album, KT Tunstall Eye to the Telescope, Ben Folds Rocking the Suburbs, and Arctic Monkeys Whatever People Say I am That's What I'm Not. I know I already have the whole plus Arctic Monkeys cd, but I ripped them. I gotta support my boys.

I asked Becker to marry me. The date is April 21, and I am very excited. We'll go back to that rickity bench in that rickity gazebo at that rest stop in Paduca, Kentucky.

We stopped in Effingham. Pure joy.

This was a good "trip." There was no drama. There were no fights. Everyone for the most part got along. I connected with almost everyone. My middle school days have been nearly conquered. Score.

Learned some hand games. Pictures to come soon...as soon as I get them back from Darrel.

It's a Mac

I'm currently residing in the Mac Store. You wish you were here. Word.

Karoke

Last night we sang. We sang bad. It was great. Confusing? Yes. Good.

Anyway, today's our last day of missions and I pray all goes well. Amen.

I'm in Chicago

and you're not.

Fun times ten.
Slaps.
Shopping.
El Train.
Hostel.
Coldness.
Heat.
Kids.
Pictures.
Laughter.
Sadness.
Friends.
New.
Old.
Fountains.
Shade.
Alarms.
Showers.
Prom.
Thrift.
Lizzy.
Devin.
Micah.
Kara.
Mitch.

My week so far in a few words. The end.

chicago tomorrow

hoorah.
tonight was good.
hung out with lizzy, dyson, will, and tyler.
tremendous amounts of fun.
i finished my satchel.
and almost all of my cranberry juice.
i have to go pack.
peace out.

late night snack

Satchel making sucks. Well, not really, it's just a little bit harder than expected really. I do think it looks cool, and if and when you see it you will too, or I will punch you in the face--honestly.

Chicago in 29 hours. That's something I am very excited about. Crazy things will be happening. I am very excited to have Kara and Micah in my group. Very, very excited. I'm looking forward to growing closer with everyone and having fun and making a difference.

I miss my friends. The one and only factor in the "summer sucks" theory. It's a pretty strong factor as well. I miss conversations face to face. I miss eventful outings. I miss a lot of things that only happen whil the school year is in session. Call me crazy, but I almost miss school. This year will be different. It's senior year, and I will not have as much stress as last year...except for college applications...crap. I have no idea where I want to go for my first year of college. UGH.

Why is the tornado siren going off? I don't know... there's no storm a brewin' outside.

I said in the last post that I've gotten a big boost in my confidence level and that I have no idea where it came from. Well I lied. I know exactly where it came from. I mean, the only place it could come from that I might actually believe. You know what I am talking about.

And I've been thinking about England a lot lately. I'm not going to lie, I am very excited to be going back. See all of my friends, make new ones, and work for the glory of God. He's going to use the team in extraordinary ways this year as well. I can't wait to begin working with the team.

By the way, the song in the background is actually my favorite song...and I love cranberry juice.

WELLLLLL it's 2:06 AM everybody. I'm tired. Off to bed I go.

Friendly Confidence

I am excited that I have such great friends.

The air conditioner is fixed. Yes. Ahhhhhh the breeze of cool air.

I've gotten a really big boost of confidence and I have no idea where it came from. It's kind of weird.

I am getting back to my more creative projects. I used to sew and knit and crotchet (crow-shay). I'm crotcheting a scarf and I'm going to sew a satchel together. It's kind of my niche if you will. I think I'm almost better at it than painting and photography. All my friends are better than me at something, but none of my friends sew or crotchet, so good. Something that I can do without having to feel the need to compete.

I got a call from Amy-Jo. I am returning to England with the church, and I am completely sure that I will live there one day.

Hot Hot Hot

Well my upstairs air conditioner broke yesterday afternoon. Hoorah. Every year it breaks, and I've been waiting for it to do so. The earlier it's done the faster we can get it fixed and not have to worry about it...unless it breaks again. But that would be cruel. So I'm sitting upstairs on this computer because my father was horrid and took the other laptop while I was sleeping. Why am I upstairs for the computer? Simply put, there is not much else to do in this house and is easier to sit here in the morning rather than at night when the heat from the afternoon makes it as hot as the worlds hottest hot sauce. Seriously. The repair man is here. O good gracious he keeps asking me for things. Go away, repair man, go.

I'm going to go do something else.

Because You're Curious

Well loves, time for another post.

The road trip was good. I like road trips.

This was kind of a crap-suck weekend visit. My uncle is stupid.

My mom is sitting here talking about daytime court tv. Why? I don't really know.

Just talked to Tyler on the phone. Sorry, Kara, that's where I went. Wildebeests are still out there.

*Spoiler Warning* I saw Pirates of the Caribbian: Dead Man's Chestwith Sarah. I rather liked the movie. The plot could've used a little work. It was kind of scattered. Some of the characters could've used a little more depth to them. And then, I like to compare POTC to Star Wars. The first was really really good. They make a second. The second ends with a cliff hanger. Han Solo was frozen in carbonite; Jack Sparrow was eaten by a giant beastie...with a sword. Of course Solo came back and of course Sparrow will too. I'm anxious to see what happens with Jones' heart...and who Sparrow's father is.

Living in a Different World

It's kinda like a movie. The adults are talking about the usual "you can save this much" and "so an so did something." You know--boring. My cousin is torturing the dog in the background. I'm on the laptop looking bored...because I am. My cousin on a tractor in the backyard. My uncle playing with the grill. I'm just waiting to see a giant fire ball erupt from the window and a man running around on fire. Then it would all be complete.

We went shopping today. I'm glad that I have a job now. I pretty much spent all of my last paycheck on it. I wish I could just wear them all at once and even risk looking like a giant, multi-colored, human marshmellow. It would totally be worth it.

I forgot to mention that on Wednesday after I got off of work from Chuck E. Cheese, I went to Ashely's "I'll pretty much never see you again" party. It was cool, I met some new people that I will probably never be in company with again. Too bad, they were cool. Lost Kara's phone and freaked out. Found it after searching for an hour. Then I spent the night at Kara's and we had a grand ole time. It was pretty great.

I'm doing it again. That thing where I push people away because I feel that they are going to do it eventually--might as well beat 'em to it. I think I'm being retarded, but I can't really help it. I'm going to be one of those lonely cat ladies that yell crazy things out the top left window of my house scaring all of the little children of the neighborhood, and they will all think that I've gone mad and should really be locked up, and they'll throw rocks at my windows for 5 points on the bottem bigger ones and 20 for the second level smaller windows, and I will fall asleep to Andy Griffith every night around 5:43 PM while my hot water for the tea I don't like boils over, and my cats will all desert me for the night to scrounge in nearby ally dumpsters leaving me more lonely than i started... $%&* those cats.

Not Real

...but I wish it was.

Wooster, AR

"Oh, that lady has a puppy! ... Oh that's a kid ... Nevermind."
-- My Mom

"Oh, you're smarter than I thought you were."
--My Mom (directed towards me)

Back in the ole Arkansas.
The trip was good.
My reads were good.
Music was good.
It's been a tough night.
I miss my g-pa.
My uncle is being stupid.
I am pretty much angry with him.
Still love him.
Just really angry.
All the Donuts I can eat.
Had crappy pizza for lunch.
It was downright disgusting.
Things aren't the same around here.
I do have Bogart.
I think he and this computer are the only things to save me this weekend.
Talked with my aunt and other sane uncle.
I love to do that.
My cousins are growing up fast.
Kinda scary.
I wish they were babies again.
But then again...I do not.

I love family.

Not Related at All

I'm kind of tired of people who assume they know everything, but are truely ignorant and know nothing at all. It's just kind of annoying, but hey--that's just me.

I put in my two weeks notice at Chuck E. Cheese yesterday. I am very sad. I almost cried. I hated it at first, but i grew to love it. And I wasn't fond of John at first, but he's so great. I'm going to miss them...if only it paid more. Koger's here I come.

Speaking of Chuck E. Cheese and quitting, one of my co-workers asked me out yesterday. It wasn't awkward at all until I said no. I tried not to make it awkward, but he just kinda stopped talking to me. Why is it that the girl is always the jerk for saying "no?" I mean, I'll give a guy a medal of honor for getting up enough courage to ask me out, but I do not want to "give the guy a chance." It's kinda like, ok so you know that girl likes you, give her a chance. That's very improbable. And it's always the girls' fault--I don't understand. Anyway, I suppose I will not miss him.

I'm leaving for my grandparents house tomorrow. I still say "grandparents." It's too weird to say grandma's. It'll be the first time since Easter, and for those of you who do not know, my grandfather passed away this Easter from kidney failure and a bunch of other stuff including cancer. It'll be weird, I'm not going to lie.

Chicago soon. Can't wait.

Anyway, I am tired. I'm going to sleep.

Whistle While You Work

One day I am going to wake up and find my life wasn't real and I'm going to be very dissapointed.

So I've been cleaning my room for the past 3 days. It's still not done. Why does it take me so long? Because it's me.

Once or even twice a year my room becomes an excavation project where drawers are emptied, shelves are cleared, closets are opened, underthebeds are shoveled, and the furniture is moved. I go through everything, and let me say, purging is a must. I've found papers from the end of last year. I've thrown away things I'd been holding on to for special reasons from the 6th grade. I've thrown away things I didn't even realize I'd been holding onto since the fourth grade. So far, 4.5 trash bags have left my room. I've gotten rid of things I don't use, need, or want. I've found old cd's in my room. It's insane.

It takes me so long because I am a procrastinator, and I come from a long line of them. I never work on anything constantly...I guess if I did, my room would be cleaned in a day. I don't think I will ever know. Oh the possibilities.

Fame Here We Come

and we call you You Wish You Were Us.

Life is good. God is good. Life can sometimes be frustrating-- but you didn't hear that from me. I want to bear me some good fruit. I know what you need....PRUNES! Prune away.

My Pleasure

The five hundreds is where it's at. If you have five hundred tickets, just get a 500 ticket prize. Honestly. The millions of little prizes like candy or rings will never amount to anything like a princess jewelry pack or silly putty sports pack will. Quality over Quantity, people.

And yes, that is all we have for that amount of tickets. Save your tickets or get over it. I didn't pick the prizes or their price, do not complain to me.

There are ticket counters...use them. Do not make me count your countless amount of tickets for fifteen minutes while other people are waiting in line. It is despicable, and it makes me want to jump over the counter and punch you in the face.

I cannot help you with machine malfunctions. Do not come up to me with your petty "this machine ate my token" or "this machine didn't give me my tickets" or even "this machine just spewed acid and ate through my face." That's why there is a guy in a black and white shirt out there on the game floor. If he is absent from the floor at anytime, I still cannot help you.

I LOVE it when I've just cleaned the glass, and everyone has watched me do so, and then put their grubby little fingers, arms, or even faces all over it. Oh, and by "LOVE" I mean "HATE." I don't know why, but after everytime I clean the glass, people feel the need to embrace the glass as if it's their long lost lover that was lost in the ocean for fifty years. It's annoying. Please, stay off the glass.

I'm always excited when I see that there are new prizes. Like today, there was a woopi cushon and spiders among other things. I walk into the back supply room, and I see vampire teeth and blue spiders. I was excited. I guess I like it so much because it's something new. I don't really know.

I work at Chuck E. Cheese. And I enjoy it.

"If You do This, Everything You Have Ever Told me Goes out the Window"

Good times.

Kara calls, we go pick up Traci. We go to It's a Grind to which so did everybody else. Cameron stopped in for a little bit; that was fun. Colby came in and drank, according to Kara, a chick drink and hung out with us. Jaime came in, but she works there, so I don't really know if that counts. Saucy Dan an Sal were there. We ended up being there for a good five-ish hours.

Then I came home at six and slept until 11 thinking that it was 2 or three in the morning. Then, my mom opened the door with the light blaizing into my room--I guess to make sure I was actually in my room or something I don't know, but it woke me up for good. Now I am not tired, but I am.

I realized how much I love to talk to some one. He knows so much, and it makes me want to know more. He's usually there when I need to talk to him or when I just want to laugh. The conversation can pretty much go either way. I'm not saying this because I have a secret crush or something-- because I don't. I just really enjoy talking to him.

A week-ish until we find out who's going on the mission trip. It's so close it's making me nauseated.

I'll Make the Most of it

I've spent the last couple of days listening to music, and I have to say I miss it, along with painting, photography, and drawing. I miss it so terribly.

Tomorrow will be devoted to doing such.

Today as I talked to Kara on the phone and read Ashley's comments, I realized how much I have missed them. The only crappy thing about summer is that everyone is gone--including me.

I will be gone the 15-17 to visit my g-ma and my aunt and my uncle and my cousins. It's going to be weird because it'll be the first time to be there since my g-pa died. I miss him a lot.

Chicago is in a couple of weeks. I am so, so very excited. I cannot wait.

I'm starting to like Chuck E. Cheese. I especially like kid check because it's so easy, and I am not supposed to leave kid check, so no one can ask me to do anything else. So I clean windows, stamp hands, look at hands, and doodle--which is what reminded me how much I miss the art-ish side of my life. I've applied at Kroger, and if I get the job, I suppose I will just work at both places.

My dad has gotten himself into poison ivy... and poison oak. He's a poisonous kind of guy.

Suburban Fourth of July

I like the city I live in, I really do. I do not, however, want to live here my whole life.

Sometimes I just feel like I can't express how I feel or say what I think without being looked down upon. Like I'm constantly being graded on my opinions, and they just aren't good enough or my reasoning should some how be twisted into something else more logical. I find myself just kind of agreeing just so that I don't have to feel less than ok. And this is partly my fault, I know.

I try to live up to standards that other people have set, and it feels like I am jumping through hoops of fire and everytime I end up burned.

I miss hanging out with friends and you rant or say something and they don't tell you that you are being ridiculous. They say what they think about the situation, and through conversation you can come to the conclusion that you are being ridiculous without having someone tell you that you are.

I'm so frustrated that everything I say to a certain person is shrugged off and ignored as if what I said was just a bunch of lies hurtled her way. As if I say it so that God will think that I am trying and so that I can sleep better at night. Sometimes I wish that I had never met her, so that I wouldn't feel this pain, but then I remember, God's got a reason for this relationship. It's not that I don't love her, because I do, I really do-- and that's why it hurts so much.