SHLAP: being guilty of floccinaucinihilipilification

how to play shlap:

shlap is a simple and easy game to get to grips with and the rules of shlap are simple and easy to follow.

1. there are many different ways of shlapping a fellow shlapper. the aim is to shlap them in the best and most imaginative way possible (with reason).

2. the most imaginative shlaps gain you more points and move you closer to "the league of extraordinary shlappers." all shlaps, special and normal, must be reported to michael or matthew in order for your point tally to rise and get you closer to the elite league.

3. points will be deducted for an illegal shlap (see rule 5). for every illegal shlap, you will be given an official warning.

4. after 3 official warnings you will be removed from the game of shlap and will serve a lengthy ban and possible fne for these acts of poor sportsmanship. one way to regain access quicker to the game is to write a letter of apology to michael an matthew, pleading for forgiveness for breaking the rules of shlap.[*]

5. "shlap is a serious sport and should be played in a good will with good sportsmanship. if a shlapper is found to be shlapping another shlapper too hard (see rule 4), they will be removed from the game without hesitation and will no longer be involved in the game of shlap.

rules
1. you must look up to the creators of shlap, michael farish and matthew trotter, and ultimate respect must be given to them at all times.

2. "shlap" is not, never has, or ever will be remotely related in any way, shape, or form to the german language [tim] or any other language for that matter. however, michael and matthew may frequently, being the creators of the sport, use "shlapé," [pronounced 'ssh-lap-ay'] which is of course, the french for "shlap." no other shlappers are sanctioned to use this extreme form of shlapping unless initiated into the highest of all honorsinvolved with shlapping: "the league of extraordinary shlappers" (which at the current time michael and matthew are the only members). if anyone at anytime is caught using the ultimate shlapé without being in "the league of extraordinary shlappers" then they will have the ultimate shlapé used against them. if this ultimate shlapé is used against you, you will have deserved it.

3. a "double shlap" is a newly revolutionised form of shlapping that michael and matthew have cleverly invented. this involves shlapping another shlapper with both hands on either cheek at the same time. rule 2 must be strongly enforced again. it is not "douple," it is "double." similarly, it is not "shlappen," it is "shlap."

4. shlap is an extremely serious sport and must be played with the utmost caution whilst having fun at the same time. however, shlapping is not a violent sport ans shlaps must be taken out at a moderate hitting standard. if you are found shlapping another shlapper too acrimoniously, michael will eat you, with his teeth.

5. shlapping is only permitted to take place when in conversation with another shlapper. shlapping whilst another shlapper is unaware of the game beginning is illegal and michael will disembowel you, with his teeth.

6. you should not, and will not, shlap exessively, for this will give the game a bad reputation and its distinction and eminence will be ruined. if you are caught shlapping disproportionately, michael will decompose you with, with his teeth.

7. if you damage any of michael's teeth during any of the above noted processes, you will pay for the dentistry bill, and you will do so generously with approbation

terms and conditions apply for being involved with the sport of slap. if these rules are not followed precisely, youwill be banned from playing the game and publicly embarrassed unsparingly by your fellow shlappers.

these rules and regulations were devised by "team shlap," which consists of michael and matthew, and must be followed and obeyed at all times.

if you have any queries on the rules of the sport or the general sport itself, michael or matthew will be more than happy to answer them.[**]

as the creators of shlap, micahel and matthew, under the influence of lord shlappstor, have created these rules and regulatins so that shlap can be played with the utmost merriment and buffoonery. enjoy.

[*you (the fellow shlapper) will give the letter to meaghan (me) and i will put them in the post to michael and/or matthew]

[**since michael nor matthew live in the states, meaghan (i) will have to be the one to answer any and all questions you (the fellow shlapper) have on the rules or the game itself. any questions that i cannot personally answer, i will ask michael ot matthew and get back to you within a 3-5 day waiting period.]