i needed somewhere to hang my head

samantha of the high sierra.

no i didn't name her. we rescued her when she was a puppy and that was the name that she already had. she's had seizures. she's run away. she's had heart worms. everytime we found her or she was ok. this time it was real and she's gone. it was ironic that the one oldie song i remember from cali (where we got her and the one song that i have known since i can remember) played on the radio on our way there.

this is sam. o Lord, i already miss her; i am a wreck. i knew it wouldn't fully hit me what we were going to do until today...well actually it hit me last night as i cried the biggest tears ever until i fell asleep. i came home early today because i had a headache and i couldn't focus and i just kept crying. and i hate crying especially in public. she was the sweetest dog ever...unless you were annoying the crap out of her. then she would've snarled and snapped at you. she was shaking in the car, in the waiting room, and in the vet's office. who could blame her? i almost wished she had passed away at home because the look on her face as the vet took her away nearly ripped my heart right out of my chest. i couldn't breathe--it knocked the wind out of me. that was the last time i would ever see her. i couldn't hold the tears back then. and she was taken away from me by a stranger, some one she had no idea who it was and that would be the last person she would ever see. not me, not my family. all i am left with is her pink collar and an extra leash...ahh this pink collar...this is the one she's had her whole life; i can't tell you how many times she has slipped out of this thing. she's not here for me to pet...she won't sleep in my room or on my bed, and when there's a thunderstorm she won't be there to freak out. i won't find her next to my parents bed or behind the couch...i'm going to miss the way she cocks her head when she's excited or you are talking to her...
i have to quit because i just can't write about it anymore.