More to come...

you wish you were there...

I feel that my blog is highly inadequate compared to mitch's... something will have to be done about this...

It's Just Been One of Those Days.

One of those days that through everything that I do, God teaches me something new and wonderful. Brace yourselves, this is going to be a long one.

This morning in our Launch session (for those of you who don't know, Launch is the name of the gap year program[me] I am a part of at All Saints Church), we were talking about the Lifeshapes. You might not know what those are--I didn't. In fact at first, they were quite possibly the most annoying things I'd ever loaned my ears to. To this day, I still find the triangle really annoying... but that's a different story. Today, we learned about the square. A square has how many sides? If you can't remember, revert back to your 4 year-old-self and remember the red square, the blue circle, and the yellow triangle. That's right, it's got four. To save me the hassle of explaining what it looks like and you the frustration of not undersatanding, I have drawn us all a picture.

Now, thanks to Facebook's Graffiti application, we are well equipped with not only a stunning visual but also a vibrant piece of art. This morning we only covered what you see as D1 and D2 with a slight hint of L1 and L2 because you really can't learn about one without understanding the other. This is what appears to be the walk of a Christian. I didn't get it at first either, don't worry. D1 stands for discipleship on the first level L1 for leadership. You can't get to leadership until you've gone all the way around the outer D's. D1 is the begining of faith when everything is really exciting. It's full of kairos moments (moments when God speaks to you and it changes your life) and only kairos moments. It's downright blissful. You are completely incompetent, but you are also so lost in your enthusiasm that doesn't bother you at all.

Now D2... That's where it begins to get a bit viscious. D2 is when you have to respond and deal with the Kairos moments of D1. D2 is when you have lost all of your enthusiasm and you aren't any more confident or competent. This is where most Christians say, "Woa, God... what am I doing? I don't remember signing up for this. I'm gonna go back to D1 because at least I understand that life." Most Christians don't make it past D2... in fact, most Christians don't even make it to the middle of D2. They just give up. They don't understand that they are supposed to persevere and move on to D3, D4, and so on. D3 is when you start seeing the glory. Your enthusiasm is back and it's based on the knowledge you've gained through persevering.

As we were discussing, I found that I went through D1 before I moved here. I had a whole year to be excited to be coming here--to be responding to what God told me. Then, two weeks after I got here, I fell off of D1 and I was in D2. I'm still in D2. I'm sticking it out though. You could say I don't have a choice so that's nothing special, but this is where I let you know how wrong you are. There's nothing keeping me here. I can buy a plane ticket home at any time because I'm not under a signed contract. I could go back to the D1 comforts in Franklin tonight (if I could find a flight home). I can't wait for D3. I want to see God's glory.

That's just one thing I learned.

Randomly through my boredom and my Facebook addiction, I stumbled across a website called Boundless. It's one of the coolest things I've ever found on the web. It's a Christian webzine with loads of articles written by different people all compiled into an online library with topics from being single to college to careers to sex to politics. It's not just a blatent you should or shouldn't do this, but it explains the stances it takes. It's kindof a smaller scale apologetics. There was a good featured article about not everyone being called to wait until they were 30+ to get married. I never like when people freak out about their friends getting married to young. It's not their choice, and it's not their right to get angry about. There were also articles on what I've been dealing with and wondering, and I learned new things. It's worth a look.

I leave you with one last thing.

Last night the sermon was on praying heaven down. I was certain that it was going to be the most boring sermon I'd ever heard in my life. I was positive I had already heard everything that I was about to hear. I was sure that I was going to count the seconds until Lindsay stopped talking. But... it wasn't. I hadn't. I didn't. "We don't take prayer seriously." I can't think of a more powerful statement than that. Honestly? Honestly she's right. She wasn't talking about our posture or the somber attitude that normally goes along with prayer. She was talking about our attitude. I can't think of a time before I came hear that I actually thought God was listening or that my little prayer would make any difference, so I used to have the most flippant attitude towards prayer. When you know and pray as you know that God listens and prayer is the most important lifeline, great things happen. You might have to wait for them, but when you put an effort into your prayer life you certainly notice the difference. I can't wait to see God's kingdom come into the lives of my friends, Stockton, and Nashville, and until I do, I'm going to keep praying for that revolution to come.

Ketchup

Things in my life have turned slightly upside down for a bit I guess. I am okay with 2/3 of that, but not with the other 1/3.

Dave didn't get the Associate Minister position... that means he, Caroline, and little Daniel will be moving sometime after Easter. This makes me incredibly sad because Caroline is my mentor, and Dave is the object of our (those of us at the church) humour. Alan was officially liscenced to the Stockton Parish Church, which means there will be a new Alan/Dave within the coming weeks. I'm glad the spikey haired man did not get it. He freaked Michael and I out. Just waiting to see who it's gonna be now.

Well I'll be living at the Farishes' starting tomorrow night for a week... so... that's going to be new. I will end up living with them after Easter (as the Wakes have extended the offering of their home until then) as the other people I would have been living with have a cat... to which I am allergic. I know that some of you will say, "Oh but you spent the night at my house, and I have a cat!" to which I will reply "I'm slightly alright with one-off evenings with cats, but even then my nose is stuffy and my throat is itchy... so a whole term with cats is no good." And my other option was Dave and Caroline... and they are moving sometime then... Sooo I'm left with the Farishes' house. Should be good fun though.

Andy's coming for nearly 3 weeks in February. I am pretty freaking excited about that. I simply cannot wait. It'll be nice to have a slice of home (he'll be bringing stuff my mum sent me) and it'll be LOVELY to have him here!! He'll be here for Valentine's Day and my birthday!! :) I think Andy and I are gonna take a trip to London, so that will be neat! Mitch is in England... he's down south so we'll probably meet him there one day.

For my gap year, I've finally figured out what I want to do with it... (only taken me 2 1/2 months, but oh well) I'm gonna clean houses... yep that's right. Help clean houses for those who have a genuine need... If they are busy with uni, single mum, ill, or just old. I like cleaning, so this would be good. I got my first house on mondays... and it's actually with Jenna. So we'll see how that goes.

I ran round Preston Park today... that park goes back way further than I thought it did. Today was the first day in a while that it hasn't rained. It was sunny and fairly nice out.

I'm in love with Sufjan Stevens and Kings of Leon.

Life in England really is bizar...

Update

Well life in the past couple of days has been a little rough, but at the moment, things are absolutely great.

I've started journaling... it's half prayer journal half straight up journal. It's good, and relieves loads of stress and frustration that I just can't get out any other way.

I'm on the path to forgiving the U.S. postal service. I've gotten 3 out of four boxes, and all but one (that I know of) card have made their way to people in America.

Life is just getting back on track. Still waiting to see what's up with Eastwood (that being my laptop), but I've worked out computing and such. Things are about to get really busy, but I'm okay with that. Everything is starting back up after term like the clubs and meetings. Andy gets here the morning of the 9th (of February,so I'm really looking forward to that as well.

Well... of to Embassy.

It's odd, but Eastwood's little malfunction has been really good for me. Maybe not for my pocketbook, but for me, it's been grand.

sigh.

My laptop power cord connection thing is broke.
It could cost me a fortune to fix.

I really hate my life right now.

(this blog brought to you by: The Farish Computer)

I know I haven't really said much lately... but... I really don't have much to say.

It is officially 2008 as of yesterday.... good things and bad things like every other year, but this year I've felt more blessed... and on New Year's Eve I just felt peace that this is home for the next 7 months. It is. I've started embracing that fact instead of beating with a stick.

I still miss Tennessee and my friends, but this is where I live now, and I need to be putting my all into here and now, not partially then and partially there.

I think I have to move this month... to a different house... with a different family. I am not at peace with that. I don't want to move... but at the same time I do... but then again, I really don't. I'm comfortable here in my room... and it's a stone's throw away from the church... unlike all of my other options... but then... outside of my room I'm not comfortable. I know that's partially my fault, if not all my fault. It's not easy living in someone else's home.

The postal service owes me Christmas presents. 4 Boxes of them, and I'm angry, frustrated, and slightly depressed at their lack of service. I don't care about the stuff inside at all. I just want the boxes. I just want the comfort of knowing they aren't lost in the mail and a waste of money. And I have to move... so I want them before I have a new address. U.S. Postal Service, I am not impressed.

In Case You Didn't Know...

It's New Years Day, folks.

I'm really starting to settle in now... I know it's been two months, but it takes a really long time to be settled in for me. I think this is record timing.

I'm back from Lanzarote... I have a tan, unlike the rest of the U.K. because of their failure to see the sun. I went with the Farish clan which was so nice to be with family. I'm now an adopted Farish... which is nice... because I finally have a sister called Rachel, and I love her to pieces. Now that I finally have a friend who is not a boy, I really feel as if I can last these next 7 months. It just makes me realize how much I miss my friends back home.

My family got a puppy. I'm jealous. I want to see her and hold her.

The rain in ______ stays mainly in the plain...

....guess where i'm going for Christmas and you are not....

Only... I'm going to an island... not a plain full of rain. If you don't get it.. Google it.

Yellow is the Colo(u)r of Pee

Santa used to be yellow? God bless commercialism.

Christmas is here in less than two weeks. If I'm honest, I miss home terribly. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, and I do feel at home, but I miss my family, Andy, Sarah, their family, and my friends. I don't think one really knows how many Christmas traditions they have until they don't have their family to understand and share them with.

England is invading my immune system. It's been a week since my last cold, and I've another that's worse than the first. I'm sure they're just British diseases that everyone else is immune to, so I get to be sickly all alone.

Well I feel so broke up

I want to go home.



I have random fits where I just want to go home... and to be honest... I always really want to go home... but I love it here so much, it's just that sometimes my love for home outweighs my love for here. I know this is where God wants me, so I stay, and I really do love it. I hate almost everything about the actual living here bit, but I love the people and the scenery.

I probably wrote my mom the most depressing email earlier tonight... Lindsay Browning is awesome.



My boyfriend is positively amazing... He let me watch tv via skype... I got to watch Cash Cab and about 20 minutes of Bear Grylls... and in between those, there was a random show on how to's... really helped my home sickness and my bad attitude in general. It's nice to have some comfort from home even if it's blurry and not the best quality... even just listening to American tv is nice. Tv here isn't the greatest...
how to make paintballs and diamonds... and the best episode of Man Vs. Wild.

In case you didn't know, I'm kinda dating someone right now. Well... not kinda, I am, and have been for the past few months. His name is Andy. Yes, it's serious, and yes, I really miss him.

So today has been a good day... as far as Thanksgivings go though... probably the worst in my life. I miss my family a lot. I miss the Autumnness of Thanksgiving, and the general thankful attitude that everyone has (you should have that attitude all the time, I know). I miss the buttload of food.... tuuuurkey! I will not however miss the leftovers.... Hooray!

This morning in the Launch meeting we learned that we are created as spiritual beings, and listening to God should be really easy... and I've found that it really is if a little effort is put forth. We tried this journaling technique.. it was awkward at first, but once you get going, it's nearly impossible to stop, and you learn so much.

My momma called me on the phone today. Padre was sitting right next to her, and it was really nice to hear their voices... so actually... today has been a really good Thanksgiving...

I'm gonna edit pics and put them up later tonight.

"What's a Canadian geek?"

...the same as a British geek only Canadian... duh, Hannah...

Well... another busy week in my life. I feel a little ice breaker is in need before we just delve in.

Micah's helpful tips for survival for those visiting England:

1. Cars drive on the left side of the road. People walk backwards.
2. Eel pie does not taste like sushi. It doesn't even taste like food.
3. Mind your head.
4. Do not flaunt your straight teeth. They get quite angry.
5. Refer to everyone you meet as a character from Harry Potter. I hear Brits love that.
6. Tell all your British friends how much better the U.S. is. Shoot fireworks off on the 4th of July (and 5th of November) and remind them what 1776 means across the pond.

Well... I'm still living, ...so... thank you, Micah.

I've learned a bit about the churches around here... and unfortunately in some of the most needed places, the church has given up or just become apathetic towards its community. It's extremely irritating. Seriously... in Stockton, there was about 5 churches on one street within 3 minutes walking distance from each other... and they are just dead. Hannah said she wrote one of them to see if we could work a kids club there (there are so many just roaming that I saw), and they said they just wanted to stick to their Sunday morning very traditional, stuffy services.

What? Why, when you have so much potential in the community, would you not take advantage of such an opportunity? It's excruciatingly mind blowing. I really think that they need a come to Jesus Kairos moment because they have obviously forgotten what it's all about.

I've been reading a book called what you didn't learn from your parents about sex and it's a really good read. It's written by Matthew Paul Turner (yes, the guy that started XXXChurch.com) and it's honest. It makes you think; it makes you reflect; It forces you to be honest with yourself. It answers questions that people are afraid to ask in the church. I don't see why sex and the like is such a taboo in the church when everyone thinks about it in their life. Obviously, there are proper forums for such a discussion, but why isn't it brought up more than in three day conferences (that happen rarely) about waiting until marriage and porn is bad speeches when that's not even the half of it? We're naturally curious (that's how God made us), and since the church has done a rubbish job teaching the subject, we're forced to find answers from anyone or anything that might give us an answer- regardless its truth (or lack thereof).

Anyway... I'm off my soapbox now.

The new Killers cd (Sawdust) is fantastic.

I missed home Saturday. I suppose you could say that I was even mildly depressed. Seriously. I prayed about it, and I was given answers almost immediately. Since I've been here I've really seen the power of prayer and just how much it works.

I just got a call from Mitch Miller via Skype... that was a nice conversation...

I just remembered something on my street that has to do with helicopters, police, and a prison... but it will have to wait as it's two in the morning. I've got an extremely busy day tomorrow; I'm going to bed. Pictures soon as well, I promise.

WELL.... I'm in England.

I love my life, and I'm settling in well. I definitely know this is where God wants and has wanted me to be. I'm just surrounded by encouragement from my leaders... or bosses... whichever you want to call them. I prefer leaders cause I like leaders better because I'd rather follow instead of being a slave.

I'm a little bit frustrated with life at the moment though. Just with the fact that it's hard to make friends when you don't have a good social network like school or work... I suppose Launch is my job, which makes it more frustrating when not many people come to church in the first place. I love everyone at All Saints though. They're really welcoming, and super nice.

I miss knowing everyone like I did back home though. That's probably the hardest I guess... having to meet everyone at once.

Tim and Lindsay are excellent youth workers, and they are really awesome people in general. They have really big hearts and I can see how bad they want change in the area, and it makes me long for change as well. Hannah is amazing with all that she does. She's got so many projects to be working on, and still have discipleship with Michael and I (which I enjoy thoroughly). They're all just so busy trying to impact Teesside and just giving their all, and it's just really refreshing to see people truly living out what they believe. It's also really frustrating just to see so much of their effort seeming to be thrown down the drain, but I can tell and really feel God moving in this place, and I'm just terribly excited.

It's a whole different culture here... you'd expect it to be the same as America... and for some things it is, but at the same time, it's really not. Church here isn't as geared towards those in the church, but rather getting people to come to church... at least that's how it is at All Saints. I'm sure though, that you can't have Bible studies when no one's really coming consistently each week. I think for the most part the only thing focused internally is Sunday morning and evening worship. Everything else is more outreaching and evangelistic. And I'm not saying that like it's a bad thing, it's just different. It makes me realize that I'm not going to be spoon fed like I was back home. I'm going to have to stop being lazy and start learning to used a knife and a fork on my own.

I like that I can walk anywhere I need to go. The other day I walked to Yarm and back (only a 30 min walk one way) by myself just to explore and visit Ste in his workplace. And if I'm ever in a pinch, I can just walk to Tesco by myself. I've been to Tesco about six or 7 times in the past week. Saw fireworks last Monday as it was Guy Fawkes day. I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but I'm not in the mood to correct myself. Went to an American diner... it might just be me, but... we don't serve mint burgers or something weird like that. They had some very unAmerican things on the menu.

As for Launch and what I'm doing there; Michael, Hannah, and I have had 2 assemblies so far. One at Bewlyey in Billingham and one at St. Mary's School in Longnewton. They've gone well, and I really like doing them. Mondays I have Launch discipleship and Fuse. Fuse is just a club for the younger kids, and it's probably my favorite so far. Wednesdays I've got Big Ted, Powerpack, a Christian Union at Egglescliffe school (being called Engage to plug for the church event wednesday nights) and Engage... not always every Wednesday. Big Ted is with toddlers and babies. I'm helping with puppets tomorrow. Powerpack is an after school club for the kids that go to St. Mary's and it's a lot of fun as well. I can't wait to meet Byron tomorrow. Thursdays I have Launch team time, and other than that, it's my day off. Fridays I have Toddlers and 360. 360 is basically the same as Fuse for older kids, but not as structured. It may not seem like much, but there are always random things thrown in like assemblies and other church events.

Last Saturday I helped set up, serve tea/coffee, and tear down for a worship workshop that lasted all day. This Saturday I am helping with Amy Burns' new project called G:em and they are having an event... aaaall day. I will be there 8:15 am-10:30 pm (if I'm lucky).

Anyway, I am bored of writing this post. Hopefully I won't have to play catch up like this and will have more time to blog. Pictures and such to come later.

I'm just being honest.

I'm actually really sad to be leaving tomorrow... this is such a foreign feeling right now... I always thought that I'd be so happy. This isn't the room I'm going to sleep in anymore... my family won't be the family I come home to anymore... I won't have my dog to spaz at me anymore... I won't have friends calling me anymore... It's all so mildly depressing.

Sorry for the downer.