You don't know me

... and apparently I don't know me either!

I'm still finding out things about myself. You'd think that eighteen and a half years of living with me, I'd know every inch of my brain and how it works. Well... I don't.

I might not quit Kroger. I can't really say why right now, but it's good.

And it would be nice if you are going to tell me what God's will is, if you pray about it first. I don't want to know your will, I want to know God's, so don't encourage me by telling me that this (whatever "this" is) when you haven't talked to God about it. It's not very good encouragement if it's not, and then you tell me it's not God's will.

I went to work today even though it was my day off. At least I don't have to close on Saturday now. That was the only thought that kept me going today because today was one of those days.

Learning to Breathe

Where's my Virginia?

I Am Home

Please, don't tell me you are sorry. I know you care, so tell me that you are praying for me instead of telling me you are sorry. Praying for me shows me that you care more than if you just say "I'm (so x 35 million) sorry." I know God has amazing plans that I can join in on, so there's no reason to be sorry.

Welcome to Greenbrier

A family kind of town.

I have news for whoever wrote that sign... every town is a family town in Arkansas. Those of you who read my blog know my feelings towards Arkansas... I absolutely do not care for it. It's country throughout the entire state- not a pretty country- a junk land country.

My cousin has pooped herself twice today. She doesn't really care. I have a feeling that she could sit in her poop all day and not bat an eyelash. Ah, to be four again.

I did not get my VISA. I was extremely upset at first, and I still kind of am, but I can only think that God's got something better in store for me. I think I might be attending Bryan College in the spring semester... that's in Dayton, TN.

I quit Kroger... I got two weeks left. Hallelujah, I quit Kroger. I'm gonna go work at Joann's for a while. I'd like their discount better. Anything is better than Kroger... except restaurants (i.e. Chuck E. Cheese). Or maybe I'll go work at a chocolate factory.

The Gran has a new house. I like it. The Gran has a man friend. They are just friends. I still don't think I will like him if/when I meet him. I miss the Papa. We always tell stories about him, and I laugh. Sometimes I forget what it's like to talk to him, and sometimes I forget how close we were. Sometimes I forget he died 'cause cancer ravaged his body... he was decently young. Then, I remember and my heart misses him terribly.

Today is Kayla's birthday. She's nine. Happy birthday, girly. We had a BBQ and the whole family was there. Even Cat (Tom's [my brother's] girlfriend). I talked to Poophead (Sara) Haywood today via Skype. If you have a webcam.. get Skype. Then I went shopping and finally I have more than one pair of jeans.

That concludes the life of mine you've been missing out on.

Only in Amsterdam....

Old Habits are Hard to Break

I used to swear a lot. I decided a long time ago that I didn't want to anymore... but it's really really hard right now.

Half Birthday.

Let it Rain, Let it Pour

All of a sudden a wave of trust, peace and hope washed over my heart today during service. I went to write it in my journal; at the bottom of my journal pages are Bible verses. Today's:

Romans 15:13
May the God hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I used that once in a painting I did for my mom when she was stressing and anxious. It seems it's gone full circle back to me.

And it's pouring outside... thank God.

Good-bye Summer

Which means, good-bye, friends.


I'm glad I can't really explain this.


Rachel.... have fun at UTK. Be good! I miss you.


Pinkerton... with Sarah.


Tybee with the College class.. I love love love it.


Oh, Liz.... what am I to do without you.


The Fourth... by far my favorite holiday.


The two Brits.


I'd just like to point out Mike's eyes...


Lake with the college class.

Everyone is going off to school and I'm staying here working. I'm learning to patiently wait it out. I do not like, however, discovering the life of a townie. I'm ready for that to be over and done with.

The Eternal Waiting Room

(that is my life)

As much as I hate waiting, you would think I would hate life... I mean, what is life but a bunch of waiting. Waiting for food, waiting in line, waiting for a phone call, waiting to go out, waiting to get off work, waiting to graduate, waiting for a VISA, waiting for.... you name it... life is the eternal waiting room.

I did a small session that Amy-Jo lent me about learning to wait well. What can God teach me? And honestly I thought it was going to be crap, but it turns out that it's exactly what I needed. I don't know exactly what God's going to teach me, but I do know that it's a constant reminder that it's all in God's timing. He is in control, and I am absolutely not.

I've learned that there is no shame in waiting. David waited. Joseph waited. Moses waited.

Jesus waited.

And by gosh, if the son of God can wait, I figure it won't kill me to wait either.

All my friends leave me this week. It's hitting me that I have graduated and life hasn't become one big summer. My friends are going places I can't follow right now. They are ready to move on with their lives, and I'm waiting.



And I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm terribly impatient.

SUCH a good movie. I loved it.

I bought The Departed and the first season of The Office (US). It was worth it.

I've also realized that I don't want a relationship anytime soon. I don't want the responsibility, nor do I have the time or effort for one. So for now, I'm staying single for as long as I can stand it.

Happy Birthday, Rachel. You are finally 18. You are also in Europe now. Lucky jerk.

Everything is clearer.
I love God.
I love life.
I love music.

I hate Kroger.



His music makes me so happy.

The Deep Understandings of Shel

You've been up on that diving board.
Making sure that it's nice and straight.
You've made sure that it's not to slick.
You've made sure it can stand the weight.
You've made sure that the spring is tight.
You've made sure that the cloth won't slip.
You've made sure that it bounces right.
And that your toes can get a grip --
And you've been up there since half past five
Doin' everything...but DIVE.


The Diving Board | Shel Silverstein

It's 3 AM

why am i not asleep?
i don't even know.

Visa stuff sent off today. Well... technically yesterday.

This is it. I'm not applying for a new one if I don't get it.

You know that inner shoulder bone thing? My left one sticks out more than the right. Is this okay?

Life

is interesting.

I found my phone.
I got a lap top.
I'm ready for summer to be over.

Unwanted

This is one of those days I feel that way.

Since my last post I've been to Chicago and back... for my fourth and last time. It was a good trip, but I'm very glad to be home. I don't know how I'm going to cope next year. I like coming home too much.

My beloved camera finally broke from all the abuse it's been handed. Hopefully it can be fixed... I don't want to deal with buying a new one... and I don't want to buy a new one. On the upside I got to use the church's polaroid camera throughout the week and I got some wicked pictures.

I'm changing my web address... further notification later. Also, I do not like my blog design anymore... I need a different picture.

Speaking of Chicago, I went to the British consulate to turn in my Visa application. "Come back at 2:30 and I will let you know my decision." So my mother and I came back right at 2:30. "What's your name? ... Oh, please wait over there for a few minutes." So I did. This can't be good. And it wasn't. I got rejected. That's right. Only because I applied for the wrong visa and a couple of other technical details- but still... I got rejected. "If you apply for the right one, I don't see why you wouldn't get accepted."

Moral of the story: If you are going to England for anything other than simply visiting, don't waste $450 on a visitor's visa because you won't get one.

So my life is again at a standstill and I hate waiting rooms.

Life Update

Well... as you can see the blog is undergoing graphic update... it'll be a while before I can finish it.

I still can't wait to quit Kroger. I'm still stressed.

I've started working out. That helps with the hatred of Kroger and the stress.

Prayer helps with the stress as well. So if you would pray for me, that would be simply smashing.

Went to the lake Sunday. When I can find my camera cord, I will post pictures of the beach and the lake.

Well... things have been better... the beach was great. More on that later.