Because... Bon Voyage.

I know I promised you something deep, so here I am to deliver... hopefully.

I drive to school for forty minutes and back another forty minutes everyday. That leaves a lot of dead air in my life, so I decided to think and reflect and talk to God because an hour and twenty minutes out of my day everyday is no joke. That's roughly 6 hours and forty minutes every week. That's about 4 days and 9.5 hours this semester give or take for days off.

John said something this week after our college class movie night that kind of hit me hard. He was talking about Scott Drennan who lives in St. John, and he said he told him, "If you ever get so jaded that you don't appreciate this anymore, you need to come home."

As I've been driving, I've felt really convicted about the time I spent in England. I felt that I didn't live up to what God wanted me to do. I felt like I got so jaded. Not only did I get jaded, I stayed that way.

Kathryn Belmont once talked about how she spent her uni classes wishing the days away. Counting down the numbers until she graduated. She said that God was showing her how to delight in everyday and what it gives.

As I've been driving I've been listening to music and I don't think it's coincidence the songs Matthias (my ipod) plays. I heard Relient K's The Lining is Silver of their new e.p.

Well I found a list of flaws, that I saw in myself and other people, and I threw it away because... Bon Voyage.
Isn't nice to know, that the lining is silver.
Isn't nice to know, that we're golden.
I found a love in me. I always somehow knew that it existed, it just needed to be set free.

I've missed England so much in the past month, it's unreal. I wrote earlier on here that I feel like I'll never be happy with where God puts me. That I'll want to move all of the time. As I've been driving, I realised, that although I miss England, I still love it here.

Isn't it nice to know the lining is silver? I realised that I needed to go home to appreciate what England offers. God has been teaching me to appreciate everyday and enjoy everything. Enjoy home, and enjoy England at the same time. Isn't it nice to know we're golden? I felt convicted about all those times I counted down the months, but not guilty. God is showing me that although I may have messed up, it's not the end. I'll have everyday as another chance.

Andy and I were talking the other day about our future. I told him that he needs to know that I'm not going to live the normal life. I don't feel that's something God has called me to do. I won't live my life revolved around money. I won't live my life around comfort and world security. I won't let these two things dictate my life. I want to live in God's security. I do feel that eventually God will call me back to England. I don't know when, but I know it's not now. I think I freaked him out a little bit, but he's getting there. ;)

This isn't the deep thing...

but you should vote for it anyway. I need money for college.

Vote Please.

I'm going to post something deep sometime soon. Prepare yourself.

Andy came and surprised me last weekend. He's so sweet. We didn't get any pictures because I was being ornery and wouldn't let him. We had our first anniversary September third. I love him :) I can't wait to see him again.

I got to talk to Tim Wye for a few minutes today... yesterday? I don't know. Anyway, I was so glad to talk to him because he is one of the people I miss most.

School's good. Target's good. Life's good.

Bonjour!

I looked at my schedule and Fall break is actually a Monday or Tuesday. I was in the wrong month.

I've gotten through the first week of school and my job at Target, and I feel very accomplished. Being a Freshman, I'm a little concerned about all the deadlines, but I'm going to be all over them so I don't have to worry.

I turned on my phone from England yesterday and looked through my address book and I got really sad. I miss Eaglescliffe... and Stockton... and Newcastle. I miss everyone and I wish I could see them. I need a phone card so I can call them.

Fall Break is a Saturday and a Sunday?

That's called a weekend, College.

I start school tomorrow morning, and I'm thoroughly excited. It's only English, but hey, it's my major. I also start Target for real tomorrow. 5-10.

Orientation

I had orientation today at Target. I really think that I will like working there.
Also, I'm going to Columbia this year. It's annoying trying to get everything together.

The Dog Just Sneezed

into my pillow.

I've been in Arkansas for the past couple of days. It's been fun seeing my family. I don't think I could live here though. At least, not in the Little Rock area. I really do love my family. I really do miss my grandpa.

Also, life has seemed a lot more real lately. I don't expect you to understand that, but it's really refreshing. We watch so much life through a screen (tv, movie, computer, etc) that I start thinking through a filter in my head. I'm just ready for life to come at me. I'm ready for anything.

Lizzy called to say hello today. I liked that. People don't really do that anymore.

Buhlzai

I work at Target now... well I'm employed by them anyway. I'm actually looking forward to it.

I gammoned Andy yesterday. It was a fine day in history.

Isn't he cute? I found him by the side of the road one day.

He came home about a month ago to see me after I got back. It's awesome just to spend everyday with someone you love. We made some backgammon boards (tack-day nard in Farsi) and they are way cooler than your backgammon board.

Lizzy and I got pedicures on Saturday. My first ever. I can say that I'll probably never do it again by myself. It's not something I'd ever do on a regular basis, but it's fun to be girly with your friends.

I've been hanging out with Sarah which I always enjoy. We went swimming with her mom and we also saw Mama Mia. I have to say that it's really fun and I loved it.

I'm going to Murfreesboro tomorrow with Traeface and Sara.

I've made more of an effort to hang out with friends these past few weeks. I don't know why, but I have a fear of committing to hanging out with people in case a better offer comes up (and it usually does). Committing to anything really. I'm getting over that fear.

REAL LIFE FEARS I'VE HAD IN THE PAST FEW DAYS*:
Zombies
Clowns
Zombie Clowns
Serial Killers

*this is not a joke

I'm an Idiot.

It's 2:30 in the morning.

I want to redo this blog, but I'm boring.

Sometimes:

Sometimes I get extremely frustrated.
And sometimes, I eat sharks and hunt zombies. Simultaneously.

I'm Home.

I've been home for a few weeks now.

I miss everyone in England terribly, but I'm SO happy to be home. It's been really hard to get in the Spirit, but slowly I can feel it moving here.

Michael's been here for a week or so, and Tim and Hannah come today! Bam! I'm so freaking excited.

Amish

I'm growing up to be amish because every computer I have touched this past 8 months has turned to stone. Litterally*.

In the past couple of days, I've heard "You ruin everything!" and "You just don't get me!" come out of Erins mouth. You say, "Don't be silly Meaghan; that's normal." To that I say, "She's only 7."

Also, my mum will be here a week from yesterday. That means 6 days. Which means I'll be home in 14.

I really miss my computer.

*Not really

I fell by the wayside
I fell on my knees
Crying, why was I so hard to please?
I stood at the crossroads
Took a long look at me
Sometimes you don't know where you're from til you leave

And I've been out there searching
For a place where I belong
And on my way I heard my song
Let it sing me home

Sun on my shoulders and the wind at my back
Bound and determined to get back on track

To where the heart is
Where it's been all along
Sometimes you don't know what you've got til it's gone
Gone gone gone

And I've been out there searching
For a place where I belong
And on my way I heard my song
Let it sing me home

And I've been out there searching
For a place where I belong
And on my way I heard my song
Let it sing me home

Sing Me Home | Tim McGraw

I'm Tan. I live in England.

(For only 20 more days).

I've been reading a lot lately... some very good, some bad- but I like reading.

Also, I watched the Lake House. So good. I want to hate Keanu Reeves (sp?) because everybody does... but really, I don't see anything wrong with his acting. Though he was a bit over the top in Much Ado About Nothing.

Aw, Thanks, Micah.

Quote of the Week

"The climate in England is much wetter

And even though we have Harry Potter

The United States is still better

It has Tybee Island, which couldn't be hotter

And for you ladies I have one tip,

Something that I think you should know

Doug Werth is going on this trip

and that simply means you need to go."

- Meaghan "The Redcoat" Kimsey

Brought to you via the Oasis College emails. yay.

3 Weeks Today, Folks.

This is Funny

Morbidly so, but still funny.

I've been learning about getting into the Holy Spirit. It's so good.

"You're a butt-muncher. You munch on butts; that's nothing to be proud of."

-Another brilliant quote from Megan.

The season finale of Lost has rekindled my love for the show.

Also, I saw Indiana Jones 4 on Monday. I'm not dissapointed, but I didn't really like the end. And Cate's accent sucked, and she was too polished for an Indiana Jones film. It wasn't the same.

"I so don't want to be his cheerleader for the rest of my life... he sucks."

-Megan (the one I live with) refering to Andy's performace against me on msn games.

How Far?

So far I've run 38 kilometers (near 24 miles)... well... traveled... 3 were on a bike. Today I nearly ran 3 miles. Nearly. One day, I could run 26?

My mom is excited about coming to London. That's all she talks about. Just like all I talk about is the gym.

35 Days.

I'm so ready.

I wish I was in Georgia.

As you can tell, I've got nothing to do today.

I was looking through some Facebook pictures, and it made me so glad that I didn't stay home. At least I can say I did something with my life except for getting wasted every weekend, which is what a lot of my friends from school did.

Also, Andy finally beat me at Backgammon- it was a fluke though. I love him. :)

I really want a Ball Park hot dog that's been cooked on the grill.

Cravings suck.

24/7

It's half term. Normally I would be excited about this, but I'm not. What I need is work to keep me busy so that I don't realize just how horrendously long the days are and how this will be the longest week of my life preventing June from coming any sooner. I am going to London again tomorrow though, and that should be fun.

Yesterday, I played some games with Andy (via the internet) and totally kicked his butt. That means that 4/4 different games we've ever played together, I won. Booya.

Years are for Wussies

I really have the urge to write something. I have loads of making up to do really. I completely blanked this blog for the entirety of the first semester of this gap adventure, so I feel the need to fill the void I created. I just feel it's so lame somtimes. And as you can tell I don't actually have anything to write. Also, I'm not going to call it a gap year anymore because by the end of it, I will only have been here for eight months.

Hoover

Geoff fixed my computer. It's broken again. I hope this time there's actually something seriously ill with it so I can just get a new one. Computers are like cars... you don't want to have to keep getting them fixed. That's way more trouble than it's worth.

I had a really bad day yesterday. I was in a mood and everything sucked. Even things that never suck, sucked. It ended with me going to Fuse and then to see Iron Man. Fuse was so good. We went to Preston Park and played a game of rounders. I never like organized sports. Ever. I played anyway, and it was great. Maybe I'll grow up to be some great athlete. Stop laughing. Iron Man was really good. I didn't really have the urge to go see it at all, but Tim talked me into it; I had low expectations. It was witty, and it wasn't lame at all.

I just realised there's a difference between "funny" and "witty funny" Unfortunately most moviemakers these days tend to try to achieve funny instead of witty funny, which is dangerous because if you just try funny it could fall on its ass and just be corny.

I went to the gym today again. I'd been going, but not really pushing myself, and it's been alright. Today I pushed, it hurt, and I feel like a spring chicken... which is good because I was really starting to feel deep fried.

Also, Julia is one of the best people on Earth. You wish you knew her.

Snowed In

I just spent a stupid amount of money on clothes... wouldn't had been that bad really... only all that I got were two dresses and a shirt. I was almost regretting it on the ride home, but it's too late and regretting it isn't going to return anything, so I'm just going to laugh it off and learn from this impulsive mistake, yea?

My mom is amazing.

Also, Geoff is an amazing human being and is fixing my computer. Everyone say, "Thanks, Geoff!"

[Note: the only people who will understand the title know Geoff.]

The only reason that Jim and Pam didn't get engaged was so that The Office could have another season. I bet the times will be tough for them next season as well. So predictable.

Also... Dwight and Angela?? Scandalous.

Friday

...because things weren't bad enough.

Go with the Flow

A lot of people give up Facebook for studying reasons... or even if it's just consuming their lives. I'm seriously considering giving it up because it just makes me really homesick. Not only do I know what happens with my close friends, but aquaintences as well. I get really jealous of people talking about mullet search and other fun things they are doing now that school is out. It hurts my life here when I'm just wishing I was back there.

One thing I like about England is that you can drive 10-20 minutes and the landscape is totally different. It's really cool.

Also, sometimes their pet hamster, Natcho [sic], makes noises; it freaks me out because I sometimes tend to think there's another person in the house...

Total Fitness

That's where I'm at. It's a gym if you haven't concluded from the name. Free internet with computers to use!

Anyway, I'm pooped. I haven't rested in a few days so I took it easy today...kinda...and now I'm waiting for Julia (she doesn't know this...)

This is lame, but I don't care; I'm bored.

Amish

is what I'm going to be when I grow up. I really hate technology right now.

Emily Jo Cureton creates art out of crossword puzzles from the NY times on her blog. They're quite interesting, and this one made me laugh.

"I have to love you"

-Andy Borquez

All in All

We went to the beach again. I really like this picture. We had a BBQ and we just messed around a lot on Monday.

Today has been a hectic day. From lunch club, to assembly, to Powerpack. Doesn't seem like much... unless it's one right after the other with things left unfinished and the previous item on the agenda didn't go well. The girls at the lunch club are getting restless... I think they're tired of what we're doing. We need to do something new. It's frustrating. The assembly was okay, but not the best. Powerpack was good though. Things ran fairly smoothly and the kids were all about the acting out of the lessons.

Yesterday was good as well, like. I went to the gym! I ran 2 1/2 km straight (about a mile and a half) and then, did this cross trainer thing for another 2.5 km straight and did some weights. I'm sore but it feels goood. I helped Michael start painting his new room in the house he'll be moving into. That went well as well.

Well as early as it is, I might head off to bed because I have to get up at stupid o' clock in the morning (6) so I can go to the gym again, followed by another assembly, and launch training... and maybe paint Michael's room a bit more. Here are some pictures.

(that's Michael's finger writing that by the way)

Some People

are arrogant jerks who don't care about anyone but themselves.

59 More Days.

Why can't it have 28 like February?

It's nine o five in the morning. I've been awake for about an hour and a half now. I don't know why all of a sudden I'm waking up early. It gets earlier and earlier here. Probably because I hear Erin yelling and playing with her robot every morning.

I really appreciate the Bunfords. They are amazing people.

This week has been interesting. Not only was I sick, but that turned into an annoying half cold (which I will say is way better than a full cold), and then, I lost my voice. I kinda have it back again, but it's scratchy. Powerpack was really good. I actually enjoyed it. I got Jamie to participate in nearly everything (he usually won't do anything). I'm ready for half term already.

Yesterday was Mother Hawthorne (Andy and Sarah's mom)'s birthday. Happy birthday! Also, yesterday, Andy got promoted to Corporal! Yay! I found out he won't be able to come home when I do as well. Lame.

I officially denounce the month of May for having 31 days. May, I hate you.

63 Days and Counting

I was actually looking forward to today, but all night I couldn't sleep. Not because of excitement, but because something was wrong with my body. At around 2 in the AM, I felt really sick, but I managed to suppress it, and I went back to sleep... kinda. I woke up loads more and couldn't sleep anymore after 6:30 as I was feeling miserable, so I just kinda browsed the internet. I felt the need to get up and change because I was cold, but I was really hot, so I needed to switch up the ratio of blanket:clothes. Then I felt it. My stomach dropped. I laid back down on my bed trying again to ignore this feeling of someone wringing my stomach; it was no good. So I ran to the bathroom and was sick. Andy comforted me via Skype and talked to me a bit and made me laugh, but now he's in school and I'm bored. This is one of those days I wish I have a library full of movies, but I don't.

Also, if I tell you I'm excited that I'm going home in 63 days, it's not because I hate you, but it's just because I'm excited. And no- I'm not wishing these days away. Counting down makes the days more precious because my days in this country are numbered.

There's this Unspoken Knowledge that Owning Four Quarters Makes you Feel BadAss.

I'm going home on the first (of July). I'm not telling people what time I'm getting in though. I just want to see my family really (including Andy and his family). I can't help but feel slightly sad for going home early... but I know that it's right. I've prayed about it, and I know that it was wrong of me to try and stay out here as long as I could. I knew that before I came over, but I just kind of ignored it.

Mother Bunford just walked in and gave me some American coinage that they couldn't exchange. I now have $2.05 with a lump of pennies. Heck. Yes.

The Burning of the Salt

I went to the beach in Saltburn with this lot. It was a good crack.

So I bought the soundtrack to Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Don't laugh. It actually goes through all of the emotions of being homesick and the feeling of returning home. I love this movie for that and I love this soundtrack even more.

I Can See the Stars From Way Down Here

The Bunfords are back. It's good. The fridge is full and there's no eerie-ness about the night.

It's been good hearing about their experiences. One would think it would make me incredibly homesick, but in all actualities, it made me less homesick. I got to live vicariously through them, and they brought me some good ole Jif creamy (reduced fat of course [because they are English]). I like sharing the house.

Sarah Bailey (because one can't just say "Sarah" when talking to/about her), Adrian, Michael, Euan, and I just sat around church and talked. It was good. Reminded me of home. I like them.

Today has not been my day for cooking.

All I have to say is at least when you burn a quesadilla, it still tastes nice.

The Revolution will not be Televised

I opened up Blogger thinking about how much I wanted to go home. How I just had a wave of loneliness. How I always feel unsettled. And it got me thinking, am I ever going to be happy with where God leads me to? I feel like I'm always going to have the mentality that the grass is always, always greener on the other side. I want to know how to fix that desperately, because the grass isn't greener anywhere, and it's starting to get to me. I just want to be content for once. And I hope that when I go home, I will be. I think it's this whole growing up thing. I'm not sure it has anything to do with the place I'm in. I think it's just me realizing that I'm growing up and that I don't want to. Then, life just becomes about your job and cleaning your own house and being bored all of the time. I don't want to grow up because I don't want my life to revolve around how I make money. I want it to revolve around my God and my friends and my family, seriously and honestly I do. I want my love to be for people, not money.

Found a Scrap Pieces of Paper

"I saw God cradle you in his arms. You were snuggled into him with your eyes closed. I felt God say that whenever you are weary you have a safe place to go to relax and fill up again with his spirit."

That was given to me the day after I got here. The church was asked if anyone had a word from God or a picture for me. Sometimes you can't just ignore things. If I had actually paid attention, I would have noted that obviously this year wasn't going to be easy. I would have prepared myself more. Sometimes hindsight sucks.

Lakes of the District

Thursday through Saturday I was privileged enough to go the Lake District. It's a district of lakes... surrounded by mountains... and sheep. Was fun to get to know Hannah and Lindsay better.

Before I put up a few pictures (of a couple hundred) to end this blog (because I am too lazy to do anything else with it), Andy has a blog. It's really funny.

I've got an internal battle going on inside of me.

Safari or Firefox?
No, IE is not an option.

Now I've always been a firm supporter of Firefox.  It's fast, it's not annoying, and it's got cool add-ons.  Then came along this stylish and simple web browser.  I know it's not knew, but apple felt that I needed it on my laptop, and I agreed.  I like the simplicity of Safari, but it's slower than Firefox.  I like the look of Safari, but it doesn't have some of my favorite add-ons.  I think I'm going to continue to use Safari mainly because I just like it better regardless of it's speed.

I will never ever enjoy Internet Explorer.  Ever.

[edit] writing blogs in Safari is annoying...  I don't want a double space when I hit enter.

Strangely, this week has been the one for a lot of spiritual growth. You always think growth just happens. It's easy... but that's not true. In the beginning, a seedling can get all of its nutrients from the dirt it's engulfed in, but there comes a time when it must push up through the ground in order to receive light, water, and air. The plant grows stronger than before because it has to push through the dirt, just as in our spiritual growth, sometimes it's painful to push through all of the dirt in our lives in order that we might breathe and eat. If we've actually fought through some of the things in our life, we think that we've reached the finish line, but remember back to Kindergarten when you experimented with growing plants after they sprouted. You put one plant in the cupboard, one you put in a plastic bag, and the last one didn't receive any water. Every single one of the plants eventually died. In the same way you have to look after and care for plants, you must look after and care for your spirit.

Anyway, that's not the reason I sat down to write this post, but that just came to me.

Exercise: Stop for a second and write down a few different words to define yourself. Seriously... just do it. Here are mine:

Out-going
Weird
Awesome
Cynical
Creative

Belief: (n) Mental act and habit of placing trust or confidence in something accepted as true based on experience.

Those words you wrote down? Beliefs.
Some of those words you wrote down? Un-Godly beliefs.
What?

I sat down to write here about the last teaching Hannah gave those of us in Launch this past Thursday about unGodly beliefs. I thought it was going to be a lesson on things people believe about the Bible that are untrue... turned out to be completely different. Un-Godly beliefs are also acceptance of truth based on experience, but are gained through the misinterpretation of events and conversations. God can't give you what He doesn't have. Believing that you are stupid (because maybe your dad called you that) or cynical (because things never go right) or shy or always late or never good enough or anything negative about yourself is giving into un-Godly beliefs. The only way to stop believing in them is to break agreement (saying that's not who I am, that's not who God created me to be) with these things and especially pray about them. Listen to God refute them... normally He wouldn't just negate it saying, "You aren't stupid." In fact, He usually says positive things like, "I created you, and you are very clever." Things like that. It was very interesting to listen to the sermon.

Ninja Beans

they're like Mexican jumping beans...

...only they're ninjas.

I'm done with reading about how much America sucks on the internet... never is everybody going to be happy with what America's government does... if we don't do anything, we're in the wrong... when we do actually do something, we're still in the wrong. I'm not saying that America is perfect, and you have the right to criticize, but condemning the entire country and saying that we're all evil and oppressive? That's just ridiculous, and I'm thankful and proud that I was born in America.

Something smells like Pop Tarts....

...I miss Pop Tarts.

Taco, Burrito, Nacho

At one this afternoon, I was ready to throw in the towel. Just to throw my hands up in frustration and scream. I started brooding and realized that as much as I wanted to curse this ridiculous country, I couldn't because I knew that as a Christian my first response is love and prayer... not hatred and cursing. Which sometimes I think is really unfortunate because it's a lot easier to do the latter.

I think I'm going to give up on complaining for a month. And I know that a few people read this blog, and I'm not telling you this so you can point out to other people when I mess up to get a laugh because really, that's nacho business. I'm just sayin'... I'm thinkin' about it.

It reached a lovely 63 degrees out today... some of you Americans would think, "So?" but you are in America and don't know anything, whereas, I'm in England with a trampoline.

Also... my host mother, Debbie, speaks to her children in French sometimes. She's not French.

It's 54 degrees outside

and there's a trampoline. You wish you were me.

If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also.

Check it.

You go, Jessica Fletcher.

Solve those murders.

It's Thursday. Nothing exciting happens on a Thursday.

This is what I'm currently looking at. It's in my room. I'm getting shelves tonight. Boo ya. I can't even explain how great this family is. They're so tight and just fun lovin. I've been proper grocery shopping, vegged, and I've left my room. Meg and I chillaxed and admit it.... you wished you lived in a home with a tight knit English family too.

Michael is ditching the gap year for a day tomorrow. What's tomorrow? Wednesday. Why does that matter, Meaghan? Tomorrow is assembly and Powerpack day. Mental.

Return to Sender: Address Unknown

I've moved. That's right... moved. It's glorious. My room feels like a room... not a hotel suite. It's bright, the window doesn't look into another house, and I've got pictures everywhere. Also- my room has 2 red walls. Jealous?

I'm a Freaking World Traveller.

It’s as if I’m Playing with Fire

I'm just kinda laying here in the dark on my bed. It's not completely dark as there is still a bit of light out and I have some candles around the room. I really felt compelled to take some pictures... but at this moment in time, I don't really think that pictures could accurately capture the atmosphere. That's the one thing about pictures. They're 2D. There's no sound. There's no smell.

I've not just chilled since December when I was in Lanzarote. I've sat around and been lazy, but really just detoxing all that the world throws at you. Just to sit and think. Reflect. Plan.

It's good.

You Must be Trippin

...No... but I wish i was.


I have been looking at a couple of my friends' pictures of different beach trips they've taken in the past couple of weeks, and I can't even begin to tell you how much I've missed it. I've seen several beaches since I've been here, but they've all been cold and uninviting. Only have I actually experienced the beach full-on once in Lanzarote when Rachel and I forced our way through the cold rejection of the ocean. I'm ready to go bask in the sun in my bathing suit, not layered like a Matryoshka doll. So... if any Americans read this blog, I want to go to the beach when I get home. Let's plan a trip.

American Werewolves in London

I realized that i covered the before Andy came period and the after Andy cam period of my life... not really any while Andy was ere period.

So, most of you know that Andy and I went to London, and everyone asks, "How was it?!" and "Was it nice to have Andy around?" Well... here are some pictures. There are some other cool ones, but they are portrait style and not landscape. I don't really like putting portraits up unless I'm doing something like... wrapping the text. I like to fill every bit of space I can. ANYway...

I'm sorry if these pictures are too dark... which just means you have a lame monitor. Get with the program, folks, and pay loads of money for a new monitor so you can see the coolness of my photos. You are the first to see London pictures as I haven't put any on Facebook or anything on Myspace (because Myspace photo uploading annoys me, so until I can be bothered...), so feel proud and say it loud.

We visited all of the touristy places we could (because those are the only places that ever matter), and I actually think we saw all of the major ones... It was a good time to grow together and to just spend time with each other. I think it's funny that we've seen each other more in England than we have back home. I guess you kinda take for granted how close you are until you are far away. I think it's really cool that he came to see me. He's sweet like that.

"I know, but honeslty doing "things" is completely worthless. meg, as long as you are learning about yourself, other people, and God- then you are accomplishing what is meant for you here. the truth is we REALLY do have an affect on people, even though it is often that we feel are being negative. you can see everything that Europe has to offer but if it's not the right time, it is completely meaningless. there is a lot of pressure to spend "this time in your life" traveling. but the truth is, this experience has given me strength to travel in the future with people I actually want to travel with. and well, honestly it can get expensive and you aren't making money here."

"and know this, meg, you have options. you and I both know that there are serious ups and downs to this place, like nothing you can know if you haven't lived here. but there is something deeper than that, and that is your emotional well being. I think we downplay its importance because we see it as weakness but in reality we have to give it some respect. i came here thinking that I needed to completely suppress my emotions and really experience something "hard" and I found out that hard is and adjective and not a noun. meaning this, to do something although it may be hard is very different from doing something because it is hard. so maybe you have duties and responsibilities but you also have options."

I saw Mitch in London when we went. Let me tell you- sight for sore eyes. I never really thought about that phrase... sight for sore eyes. It's a pretty strong statement, actually. ANYway, it was beautiful just to have Andy and Mitch around for a day. A double dose of home and love. Be on the look out on the "Thought Food" bit on the side bar. more words of wisdom from Mitch (and Jesus) coming your way.

I realized that I complain about England a lot.

First off, that's because it's really easy.
Second off, I'm just ready to go home.
Third off, I don't hate my life here... completely.

There are things I don't like. I'm not an Anglican at all. I don't like un-Biblical rules and ridiculous restrictions, BUT on this gap year I'm learning a lot. Well... more just that it's helping me with my relationship with God, but same really.

And I just miss having people my age around.

I am so done with Aspartame*

*contains a source of phenylalanine

I'm increasingly annoyed with the lack of food choices in England. Just because it's "light" doesn't mean I want to eat it. Where are all the foods with regular sugar and so on and so forth? Aspartame doesn't taste as nice and it could potentially have some dire effects. Granted, added sugar isn't healthy either, but that's why there's a moderated intake. Can't I do that with aspartame? No because everything in England contains it.

With England's concern for health and safety, you'd think this might raise an eyebrow, no? Dodgey.

There's a full moon out tonight.

The internet brings out some of the most ignorant people.

You Got to Love Love

"Love. You know each other's secrets, your deepest darkest secrets and then you're free. You're free to love each other completely, totally, no fear. There's nothing you don't know about each other and it's okay."
-Quince

I'm finishing Meet Joe Black, and I wasn't expecting to like it very much, but I think I actually adore it. There are a lot of good quotes, and I just like the overall statement about how important love is... not just between a man and a woman, but family and friends as well. I love love.

I'm gonna be a teacher.

Lost

is one of the most confusing shows ever.

I love it.

[ps] I'm all caught up now.

To Everything, Turn! Turn! Turn!

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build; a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I've been told that some friends are only in your life for a season. I'm slowly starting to figure that out. I must admit I don't have a special reason for putting all of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 on there, but I couldn't really decide where to cut it. It kind of all just fit.

I've been watching Lost online... all I have to say is WHAT?! I'm not caught up yet, so don't say anything.

I think I'm going home a week and a half early. Not a big difference, but whatever. I really can't wait to see my family and have them in my arms.

Lilt is also a Drink

P.S. I'm working on getting rid of the lilt and acquiring my normal American accent again.

There's a Reason "Assembly" Starts with "Ass"

So many of you don't know (unless you are British) that I'm moving in a monthish. Okay, some of you knew that, but I'm not going to the Farish household, but rather to the Bunfords'. I'm super excited to be with a family again. I know it's not my family, but I miss the family dynamic so much that I don't even care. I already know I like the family, but it'll be interesting to see how things settle. I love families.

Andy visited last month. He left a week ago today :/ Everyone asks me how I'm doing since he left... and to be honest, I'm doing great. Sure I miss him tons, but it was such a good feeling to have home and love around that it was enough to get me by til the next visit of a friend (plus I have comfort foods now ;p). It made it easier to get to know people as well because since he didn't know anyone, he had to meet them... which gave me the chance to get to meet them as well. We went to Bamburgh, Edinburgh, and London. We got to meet up with Mitch and that was fun. It was a double dose of home, and I was so happy. I'll put up a picture or two when I'm done editing them.

Michael, Hannah (Jackson), and I spent about 2 1/2 hours on planning a fifteen minute assembly... which isn't quite done yet... for tomorrow. It was so boring.

cool huh?

p.s. the weather has been wicked nice.... and there was an earthquake the other day.

It IS bathroom... not toilets.

Everyone, this is Lindsay. "Hi, Lindsay." I never really thought I'd ever have a heart for country music again... and, then, I met Lindsay. She's a country fiend, and that makes my very happy. It's funny the things you miss when you are away from home. You know some things you will miss before you leave, but it's funny because you find that you don't really miss those things like you thought you would... and you find yourself missing things you never noticed before. I also miss normal music... not dance/chav anthems on the radio. Anyway, Lindsay's cool. We're foreigners together, and we like to moan about the British culture sometimes (because they make it so easy).

More to come...

you wish you were there...

I feel that my blog is highly inadequate compared to mitch's... something will have to be done about this...

It's Just Been One of Those Days.

One of those days that through everything that I do, God teaches me something new and wonderful. Brace yourselves, this is going to be a long one.

This morning in our Launch session (for those of you who don't know, Launch is the name of the gap year program[me] I am a part of at All Saints Church), we were talking about the Lifeshapes. You might not know what those are--I didn't. In fact at first, they were quite possibly the most annoying things I'd ever loaned my ears to. To this day, I still find the triangle really annoying... but that's a different story. Today, we learned about the square. A square has how many sides? If you can't remember, revert back to your 4 year-old-self and remember the red square, the blue circle, and the yellow triangle. That's right, it's got four. To save me the hassle of explaining what it looks like and you the frustration of not undersatanding, I have drawn us all a picture.

Now, thanks to Facebook's Graffiti application, we are well equipped with not only a stunning visual but also a vibrant piece of art. This morning we only covered what you see as D1 and D2 with a slight hint of L1 and L2 because you really can't learn about one without understanding the other. This is what appears to be the walk of a Christian. I didn't get it at first either, don't worry. D1 stands for discipleship on the first level L1 for leadership. You can't get to leadership until you've gone all the way around the outer D's. D1 is the begining of faith when everything is really exciting. It's full of kairos moments (moments when God speaks to you and it changes your life) and only kairos moments. It's downright blissful. You are completely incompetent, but you are also so lost in your enthusiasm that doesn't bother you at all.

Now D2... That's where it begins to get a bit viscious. D2 is when you have to respond and deal with the Kairos moments of D1. D2 is when you have lost all of your enthusiasm and you aren't any more confident or competent. This is where most Christians say, "Woa, God... what am I doing? I don't remember signing up for this. I'm gonna go back to D1 because at least I understand that life." Most Christians don't make it past D2... in fact, most Christians don't even make it to the middle of D2. They just give up. They don't understand that they are supposed to persevere and move on to D3, D4, and so on. D3 is when you start seeing the glory. Your enthusiasm is back and it's based on the knowledge you've gained through persevering.

As we were discussing, I found that I went through D1 before I moved here. I had a whole year to be excited to be coming here--to be responding to what God told me. Then, two weeks after I got here, I fell off of D1 and I was in D2. I'm still in D2. I'm sticking it out though. You could say I don't have a choice so that's nothing special, but this is where I let you know how wrong you are. There's nothing keeping me here. I can buy a plane ticket home at any time because I'm not under a signed contract. I could go back to the D1 comforts in Franklin tonight (if I could find a flight home). I can't wait for D3. I want to see God's glory.

That's just one thing I learned.

Randomly through my boredom and my Facebook addiction, I stumbled across a website called Boundless. It's one of the coolest things I've ever found on the web. It's a Christian webzine with loads of articles written by different people all compiled into an online library with topics from being single to college to careers to sex to politics. It's not just a blatent you should or shouldn't do this, but it explains the stances it takes. It's kindof a smaller scale apologetics. There was a good featured article about not everyone being called to wait until they were 30+ to get married. I never like when people freak out about their friends getting married to young. It's not their choice, and it's not their right to get angry about. There were also articles on what I've been dealing with and wondering, and I learned new things. It's worth a look.

I leave you with one last thing.

Last night the sermon was on praying heaven down. I was certain that it was going to be the most boring sermon I'd ever heard in my life. I was positive I had already heard everything that I was about to hear. I was sure that I was going to count the seconds until Lindsay stopped talking. But... it wasn't. I hadn't. I didn't. "We don't take prayer seriously." I can't think of a more powerful statement than that. Honestly? Honestly she's right. She wasn't talking about our posture or the somber attitude that normally goes along with prayer. She was talking about our attitude. I can't think of a time before I came hear that I actually thought God was listening or that my little prayer would make any difference, so I used to have the most flippant attitude towards prayer. When you know and pray as you know that God listens and prayer is the most important lifeline, great things happen. You might have to wait for them, but when you put an effort into your prayer life you certainly notice the difference. I can't wait to see God's kingdom come into the lives of my friends, Stockton, and Nashville, and until I do, I'm going to keep praying for that revolution to come.

Ketchup

Things in my life have turned slightly upside down for a bit I guess. I am okay with 2/3 of that, but not with the other 1/3.

Dave didn't get the Associate Minister position... that means he, Caroline, and little Daniel will be moving sometime after Easter. This makes me incredibly sad because Caroline is my mentor, and Dave is the object of our (those of us at the church) humour. Alan was officially liscenced to the Stockton Parish Church, which means there will be a new Alan/Dave within the coming weeks. I'm glad the spikey haired man did not get it. He freaked Michael and I out. Just waiting to see who it's gonna be now.

Well I'll be living at the Farishes' starting tomorrow night for a week... so... that's going to be new. I will end up living with them after Easter (as the Wakes have extended the offering of their home until then) as the other people I would have been living with have a cat... to which I am allergic. I know that some of you will say, "Oh but you spent the night at my house, and I have a cat!" to which I will reply "I'm slightly alright with one-off evenings with cats, but even then my nose is stuffy and my throat is itchy... so a whole term with cats is no good." And my other option was Dave and Caroline... and they are moving sometime then... Sooo I'm left with the Farishes' house. Should be good fun though.

Andy's coming for nearly 3 weeks in February. I am pretty freaking excited about that. I simply cannot wait. It'll be nice to have a slice of home (he'll be bringing stuff my mum sent me) and it'll be LOVELY to have him here!! He'll be here for Valentine's Day and my birthday!! :) I think Andy and I are gonna take a trip to London, so that will be neat! Mitch is in England... he's down south so we'll probably meet him there one day.

For my gap year, I've finally figured out what I want to do with it... (only taken me 2 1/2 months, but oh well) I'm gonna clean houses... yep that's right. Help clean houses for those who have a genuine need... If they are busy with uni, single mum, ill, or just old. I like cleaning, so this would be good. I got my first house on mondays... and it's actually with Jenna. So we'll see how that goes.

I ran round Preston Park today... that park goes back way further than I thought it did. Today was the first day in a while that it hasn't rained. It was sunny and fairly nice out.

I'm in love with Sufjan Stevens and Kings of Leon.

Life in England really is bizar...

Update

Well life in the past couple of days has been a little rough, but at the moment, things are absolutely great.

I've started journaling... it's half prayer journal half straight up journal. It's good, and relieves loads of stress and frustration that I just can't get out any other way.

I'm on the path to forgiving the U.S. postal service. I've gotten 3 out of four boxes, and all but one (that I know of) card have made their way to people in America.

Life is just getting back on track. Still waiting to see what's up with Eastwood (that being my laptop), but I've worked out computing and such. Things are about to get really busy, but I'm okay with that. Everything is starting back up after term like the clubs and meetings. Andy gets here the morning of the 9th (of February,so I'm really looking forward to that as well.

Well... of to Embassy.

It's odd, but Eastwood's little malfunction has been really good for me. Maybe not for my pocketbook, but for me, it's been grand.

sigh.

My laptop power cord connection thing is broke.
It could cost me a fortune to fix.

I really hate my life right now.

(this blog brought to you by: The Farish Computer)

I know I haven't really said much lately... but... I really don't have much to say.

It is officially 2008 as of yesterday.... good things and bad things like every other year, but this year I've felt more blessed... and on New Year's Eve I just felt peace that this is home for the next 7 months. It is. I've started embracing that fact instead of beating with a stick.

I still miss Tennessee and my friends, but this is where I live now, and I need to be putting my all into here and now, not partially then and partially there.

I think I have to move this month... to a different house... with a different family. I am not at peace with that. I don't want to move... but at the same time I do... but then again, I really don't. I'm comfortable here in my room... and it's a stone's throw away from the church... unlike all of my other options... but then... outside of my room I'm not comfortable. I know that's partially my fault, if not all my fault. It's not easy living in someone else's home.

The postal service owes me Christmas presents. 4 Boxes of them, and I'm angry, frustrated, and slightly depressed at their lack of service. I don't care about the stuff inside at all. I just want the boxes. I just want the comfort of knowing they aren't lost in the mail and a waste of money. And I have to move... so I want them before I have a new address. U.S. Postal Service, I am not impressed.

In Case You Didn't Know...

It's New Years Day, folks.

I'm really starting to settle in now... I know it's been two months, but it takes a really long time to be settled in for me. I think this is record timing.

I'm back from Lanzarote... I have a tan, unlike the rest of the U.K. because of their failure to see the sun. I went with the Farish clan which was so nice to be with family. I'm now an adopted Farish... which is nice... because I finally have a sister called Rachel, and I love her to pieces. Now that I finally have a friend who is not a boy, I really feel as if I can last these next 7 months. It just makes me realize how much I miss my friends back home.

My family got a puppy. I'm jealous. I want to see her and hold her.

The rain in ______ stays mainly in the plain...

....guess where i'm going for Christmas and you are not....

Only... I'm going to an island... not a plain full of rain. If you don't get it.. Google it.

Yellow is the Colo(u)r of Pee

Santa used to be yellow? God bless commercialism.

Christmas is here in less than two weeks. If I'm honest, I miss home terribly. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, and I do feel at home, but I miss my family, Andy, Sarah, their family, and my friends. I don't think one really knows how many Christmas traditions they have until they don't have their family to understand and share them with.

England is invading my immune system. It's been a week since my last cold, and I've another that's worse than the first. I'm sure they're just British diseases that everyone else is immune to, so I get to be sickly all alone.

Well I feel so broke up

I want to go home.



I have random fits where I just want to go home... and to be honest... I always really want to go home... but I love it here so much, it's just that sometimes my love for home outweighs my love for here. I know this is where God wants me, so I stay, and I really do love it. I hate almost everything about the actual living here bit, but I love the people and the scenery.

I probably wrote my mom the most depressing email earlier tonight... Lindsay Browning is awesome.



My boyfriend is positively amazing... He let me watch tv via skype... I got to watch Cash Cab and about 20 minutes of Bear Grylls... and in between those, there was a random show on how to's... really helped my home sickness and my bad attitude in general. It's nice to have some comfort from home even if it's blurry and not the best quality... even just listening to American tv is nice. Tv here isn't the greatest...
how to make paintballs and diamonds... and the best episode of Man Vs. Wild.

In case you didn't know, I'm kinda dating someone right now. Well... not kinda, I am, and have been for the past few months. His name is Andy. Yes, it's serious, and yes, I really miss him.

So today has been a good day... as far as Thanksgivings go though... probably the worst in my life. I miss my family a lot. I miss the Autumnness of Thanksgiving, and the general thankful attitude that everyone has (you should have that attitude all the time, I know). I miss the buttload of food.... tuuuurkey! I will not however miss the leftovers.... Hooray!

This morning in the Launch meeting we learned that we are created as spiritual beings, and listening to God should be really easy... and I've found that it really is if a little effort is put forth. We tried this journaling technique.. it was awkward at first, but once you get going, it's nearly impossible to stop, and you learn so much.

My momma called me on the phone today. Padre was sitting right next to her, and it was really nice to hear their voices... so actually... today has been a really good Thanksgiving...

I'm gonna edit pics and put them up later tonight.

"What's a Canadian geek?"

...the same as a British geek only Canadian... duh, Hannah...

Well... another busy week in my life. I feel a little ice breaker is in need before we just delve in.

Micah's helpful tips for survival for those visiting England:

1. Cars drive on the left side of the road. People walk backwards.
2. Eel pie does not taste like sushi. It doesn't even taste like food.
3. Mind your head.
4. Do not flaunt your straight teeth. They get quite angry.
5. Refer to everyone you meet as a character from Harry Potter. I hear Brits love that.
6. Tell all your British friends how much better the U.S. is. Shoot fireworks off on the 4th of July (and 5th of November) and remind them what 1776 means across the pond.

Well... I'm still living, ...so... thank you, Micah.

I've learned a bit about the churches around here... and unfortunately in some of the most needed places, the church has given up or just become apathetic towards its community. It's extremely irritating. Seriously... in Stockton, there was about 5 churches on one street within 3 minutes walking distance from each other... and they are just dead. Hannah said she wrote one of them to see if we could work a kids club there (there are so many just roaming that I saw), and they said they just wanted to stick to their Sunday morning very traditional, stuffy services.

What? Why, when you have so much potential in the community, would you not take advantage of such an opportunity? It's excruciatingly mind blowing. I really think that they need a come to Jesus Kairos moment because they have obviously forgotten what it's all about.

I've been reading a book called what you didn't learn from your parents about sex and it's a really good read. It's written by Matthew Paul Turner (yes, the guy that started XXXChurch.com) and it's honest. It makes you think; it makes you reflect; It forces you to be honest with yourself. It answers questions that people are afraid to ask in the church. I don't see why sex and the like is such a taboo in the church when everyone thinks about it in their life. Obviously, there are proper forums for such a discussion, but why isn't it brought up more than in three day conferences (that happen rarely) about waiting until marriage and porn is bad speeches when that's not even the half of it? We're naturally curious (that's how God made us), and since the church has done a rubbish job teaching the subject, we're forced to find answers from anyone or anything that might give us an answer- regardless its truth (or lack thereof).

Anyway... I'm off my soapbox now.

The new Killers cd (Sawdust) is fantastic.

I missed home Saturday. I suppose you could say that I was even mildly depressed. Seriously. I prayed about it, and I was given answers almost immediately. Since I've been here I've really seen the power of prayer and just how much it works.

I just got a call from Mitch Miller via Skype... that was a nice conversation...

I just remembered something on my street that has to do with helicopters, police, and a prison... but it will have to wait as it's two in the morning. I've got an extremely busy day tomorrow; I'm going to bed. Pictures soon as well, I promise.

WELL.... I'm in England.

I love my life, and I'm settling in well. I definitely know this is where God wants and has wanted me to be. I'm just surrounded by encouragement from my leaders... or bosses... whichever you want to call them. I prefer leaders cause I like leaders better because I'd rather follow instead of being a slave.

I'm a little bit frustrated with life at the moment though. Just with the fact that it's hard to make friends when you don't have a good social network like school or work... I suppose Launch is my job, which makes it more frustrating when not many people come to church in the first place. I love everyone at All Saints though. They're really welcoming, and super nice.

I miss knowing everyone like I did back home though. That's probably the hardest I guess... having to meet everyone at once.

Tim and Lindsay are excellent youth workers, and they are really awesome people in general. They have really big hearts and I can see how bad they want change in the area, and it makes me long for change as well. Hannah is amazing with all that she does. She's got so many projects to be working on, and still have discipleship with Michael and I (which I enjoy thoroughly). They're all just so busy trying to impact Teesside and just giving their all, and it's just really refreshing to see people truly living out what they believe. It's also really frustrating just to see so much of their effort seeming to be thrown down the drain, but I can tell and really feel God moving in this place, and I'm just terribly excited.

It's a whole different culture here... you'd expect it to be the same as America... and for some things it is, but at the same time, it's really not. Church here isn't as geared towards those in the church, but rather getting people to come to church... at least that's how it is at All Saints. I'm sure though, that you can't have Bible studies when no one's really coming consistently each week. I think for the most part the only thing focused internally is Sunday morning and evening worship. Everything else is more outreaching and evangelistic. And I'm not saying that like it's a bad thing, it's just different. It makes me realize that I'm not going to be spoon fed like I was back home. I'm going to have to stop being lazy and start learning to used a knife and a fork on my own.

I like that I can walk anywhere I need to go. The other day I walked to Yarm and back (only a 30 min walk one way) by myself just to explore and visit Ste in his workplace. And if I'm ever in a pinch, I can just walk to Tesco by myself. I've been to Tesco about six or 7 times in the past week. Saw fireworks last Monday as it was Guy Fawkes day. I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but I'm not in the mood to correct myself. Went to an American diner... it might just be me, but... we don't serve mint burgers or something weird like that. They had some very unAmerican things on the menu.

As for Launch and what I'm doing there; Michael, Hannah, and I have had 2 assemblies so far. One at Bewlyey in Billingham and one at St. Mary's School in Longnewton. They've gone well, and I really like doing them. Mondays I have Launch discipleship and Fuse. Fuse is just a club for the younger kids, and it's probably my favorite so far. Wednesdays I've got Big Ted, Powerpack, a Christian Union at Egglescliffe school (being called Engage to plug for the church event wednesday nights) and Engage... not always every Wednesday. Big Ted is with toddlers and babies. I'm helping with puppets tomorrow. Powerpack is an after school club for the kids that go to St. Mary's and it's a lot of fun as well. I can't wait to meet Byron tomorrow. Thursdays I have Launch team time, and other than that, it's my day off. Fridays I have Toddlers and 360. 360 is basically the same as Fuse for older kids, but not as structured. It may not seem like much, but there are always random things thrown in like assemblies and other church events.

Last Saturday I helped set up, serve tea/coffee, and tear down for a worship workshop that lasted all day. This Saturday I am helping with Amy Burns' new project called G:em and they are having an event... aaaall day. I will be there 8:15 am-10:30 pm (if I'm lucky).

Anyway, I am bored of writing this post. Hopefully I won't have to play catch up like this and will have more time to blog. Pictures and such to come later.

I'm just being honest.

I'm actually really sad to be leaving tomorrow... this is such a foreign feeling right now... I always thought that I'd be so happy. This isn't the room I'm going to sleep in anymore... my family won't be the family I come home to anymore... I won't have my dog to spaz at me anymore... I won't have friends calling me anymore... It's all so mildly depressing.

Sorry for the downer.